That’s the Way the Cookie Crumbles …

Those who know me a very long time know that I’ve been lamenting my inability to complete an exercise or a healthy eating regime for too long of a time. Long ago, I was athletic and fit — genetics and movement played a role and in general, I was fairly trim. Though I am not super tall at 5’7″, I was often called the “tall, thin one” in my youth. I had a huge appetite, an insatiable need for sweets, and because I was busy with fun physical pursuits (tennis team, swimming, etc) I never had to worry about losing weight. And so it came to pass, with the onset of motherhood and a more sedentary lifestyle, that I became someone who doesn’t do that stuff any more. I know plenty of moms who make exercise part of their day — I hear about it on the streets and read about them on their blogs and am simultaneously inspired and shamed because I know, with just a little bit of will power, I would no longer have to worry about inner thighs that chafe in the heat of summer. What used to be “the 5 lbs I need to lose” as I would grab an inch or two around my waist, had quickly become the 20 -25 lbs I definitely need to lose as I stuff myself like a sausage into my too tight capris. Not all of my blog photos show this, I crop delicately around what I want to eliminate, but many photos do show the extra lovable Steph. Certainly, in my day to day, I can not hide from the pudge my kids affectionately poke and prod. I am putting this out here because I need to show accountability and what better way than to announce into the blogosphere that I have packed on a few pounds too many and I am ready, as I near my 37th birthday on the auspicious 9.9.09, to commit to becoming a healthier and fitter me. I do not want to wait until Giardia hits me during my Kazakhstan visits to lose 20 lbs though a crazy part of me is very interested in meeting this fine protozoa.

I announce this into the blogosphere feeling very earnest and fed up, full now from an evening cup of coffee and way too many bites of these gargantuan cookies my friend Alissa insisted (encouraged? okay, just told me about) from a bakery in Manhattan called Levain Bakery on the Upper East Side of Manhattan where I happened to be today — Okay, I mean, walked out of my way with my two kids, niece and tired mom in the hot sun, to find. Each cookie was $3.75 so that might alert you to the size of this doughy and crusty concoction, of which I bought six. I type this to you satiated and more than nauseous, though I only had mere bites and tastes of a couple of these cookies. So rich and decadent, I would not buy it again. A cookie lover I am, but this was entirely too much. Dark chocolate with chocolate chips and bits of peanut butter chips … I should probably take a picture of these cookies. Okay, I will.

Looking at this photo, I can see this angle does not do the cookie justice so I have photographed the cookie in my hand. Unfortunately, those who know me also know that I have a super long hand so perhaps this does not do it justice either. Perhaps if I tell you that my hand is sometimes a good inch longer than other people’s, you might be able to finally see the magnitude of this flour-y overly sweet chocolate-y confection. Here it is:

I am going to remove the bins and boxes of toys from my treadmill right now! I will dust off the control panel and remove the towels and hangers from the handle bars. I am going to put my sneakers and shorts and jog bra beside my bed so I can slip right into them tomorrow. In the morning, I will attempt 20 minutes of a walk/jog, and I will surely succeed at 10 modified push-ups. I will eat a fiber cereal for breakfast and a yogurt and fruit in the mid-morning. I will pace myself throughout the day with good foods so I am never too hungry and my blood sugar remains constant. I will fill my body with the fuel I need to have energy to be a fully engaged, spirited and vivacious parent to three! I will energize my body and mind and strengthen my muscles and ultimately so much more than this. I will inspire myself with what I can accomplish, because I now know it is never too late.

I will conquer cookie cravings! I will find the courage to emerge from where I have been hiding the past few years. I will succeed!