Recently, I have been concerned when I read that people are choosing Kyrgyzstan now instead of Kaz. A whole new thing I’ll have to learn about perhaps? It’s the possibility of change even at this early stage that causes worry. But what will be will be. Colene said I do not even have to decide now. I want to work with Journey Home. I believe Kaz is the answer for us, despite Colene saying we might have to jump through some hoops that others are no longer willing to jump through. This is going to be some wild ride but soon enough, if this was meant to be, we are going to be on the other side.

What upsets me too is that Gary seems to have finally decided to think about certain health worries I had about 8 months ago. Seems he’s a quite a ways behind me which bothers me because I worked through those worries with great deliberation and desperately tried to educate him at this time, but I guess it was too removed from him at the time and he didn’t grasp it. I reminded him again and again that biology is not a guarantee of health. But at least he’s thinking about all the possibilities now. It brought up excellent conversations and real dialogue. He was also worried about how biological siblings already in the family fare with adoption. Even though I knew the answer from friends who have lived it, I thankfully found real research that gave such positive outcomes. Gary felt he needed to read it and it did make me happy finding what I needed to find.

We spent another wonderful afternoon with the Baia family. Their children are remarkable. The love in this family is strong. They are very well loved and they in turn love back. They are full of life and love and kisses and are very playful. They even seem more vivacious than they were since I made my Memorial Day video. That is what love can do. My kids had a great time with them. Children just need the language of fun and play to get along. When I see Gabi and Yulia and how amazingly resilient they seem to be and how happy to be with a loving family, I do feel that things for us will work out for the best.

Eden, age 3, who loves babies and usually shows such interest in the babies of our friends, has some less than social behaviors at times. It’s the frustrating part of her personality I must embrace the most. She has come such a long way in this regard, but still prefers small groups of people she knows. She has every right to this of course. She’s a real little person who knows exactly what she wants. She has a small circle she feels super comfortable with yet it’s a struggle sometimes to get her to be friendly or engage in group activities. She did have fun today, and after sitting on my lap for quite a long time, eventually began to play and wanted to engage with Gabi, who himself was acting shy in the beginning. It is evident Eden is very in tune with what is going on, with me in general and with conversation between me, Catalina and her husband, because in the car ride home she said she doesn’t want a baby in the house. Not for mommy, daddy, emma or anybody.

What am I gonna do? Most siblings don’t have a say in adding additional children into the family. I am going to have to tread lightly, not talk about this at all in her presence until it can be presented to a big sister-to-be who is almost 4. I used to worry about Emma way back when, but Emma is so gung ho about another person in our family. Emma is wise beyond her years and is proving herself to be so self aware and amazing. I have to admit she was worried about going to our visit today — she was concerned because Gabi didn’t speak English and she thought she’d be bored. But she amazed me and herself with her ability to engage with Gabi, and how playing ball and running around with limited language is just fine when you are 5! I said in 6 months, you are both going to be speaking the same language! She said oh! i was hoping it would be in two weeks!

I am sure Emma’s enthusiam will eventually help Eden come to terms with the fact that, though there will be changes, this is also going to something very special. Emma overheard me and Catalina speaking and said “What is this about? Have you made the decision?” I still said to her “Daddy and I are still talking about it.” It is too far away and too removed yet to begin to talk specifics now.

As much as I spoke openly with her about the decision making, I’m not yet ready to talk to her about The Decision. I am still nervous inside when I think that I have begun the process of what one does AFTER they have made a decision. I am already past that point and it does make me think — Rollercoaster, here we come! Yowzers! When there is more concrete advancement, that will be the time to tell my children in earnest. I also hope that perhaps Eden’s remark was just from an off day. She is a lovable and VERY loyal girl. She, in time, will love her new sibling. I hope that any acclimation won’t take too long. I don’t want her to be a “middle child” — I am going to have to always have Emma and Edn together as Big Girls and Big Sisters so that she always feels part of that special title too. Thankfully her bond with Emma is so strong, and I am probably on the right track to bring a brother into our family so that their sister bond will never falter (I pray!) Their love for each other is really magnificent. How did I bring up sisters who loved each other like this? I think it’s because I have always wished for a sister myself. My friend Kim and her sister are best friends. I think this was always in my head.

Things happen for a reason. When I needed to be reminded again of why I am on this path, I get this strange email. A series of inspirational personalized emails that I signed up for and I receive a few times a month. This is the one that came today:

There’s a reason you chose earth, Stephanie, exactly when you did, being exactly who you are, with those already in your life, and those who soon will be: to be an example, to shine your light, and to give hope.

The Universe

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