Eden, Emma and Dylan
I am grateful for connections I have found through writing my own blog and through reading those of others. I am not an adoptive parent yet, but I have been so welcomed and supported. It is remarkable to be cocooned in the unbelievable kindness of others, the resources, the encouragement, the information, the empathy. In addition to having an amazing network of friends and loved ones in my life, I do feel I now have wonderful friends nationwide — I am truly blessed.
I am grateful for another bout of anxiety (an elephant decided to sit on my chest for a few days and a snake decided to twist into my stomach) that occurred last week because when I came out the other side what resulted was a greater sense of conviction that I am following a path that truly is intended for our family. I know this now!
I am grateful that Carolyn asked me why I hadn’t blogged in a while and if everything was okay. I realize now that staying away didn’t serve me or anyone else. It’s okay if my blog isn’t always pretty. This is real life, and fear and anxiety doesn’t have to be edited out. I hope my thoughts can one day help others as others have helped me — to know that amidst the feelings of peace and calm, fear and doubt is normal and that it is very possible to ride it out and continue to follow your heart.
I am grateful for daily family discussions about “when” and no longer “if” and “should we.”
I am grateful to not really know when this transition happened — it was almost like those sunglasses that gradually get darker when you step outside. Look where we are now.
I am grateful that my husband and I look outward in the same direction.
I am grateful that my children have been a big influence in that they truly desire another sibling. I am also grateful that without ever telling them, they have been discreet before any official decisions have been made.
I am grateful for hearing from the Poston family and their excitement for the progress we have made — The first adoption connection I ever made (back in Sept 2007), the first family that ever truly opened up to us with open arms, the Postons will always hold a special place in the heart of our family.
I am grateful for an appointment with a Life Coach for this coming Thursday — the very same woman whose class I took one year ago in which I first discovered that my deeply buried, but still very much alive, dream was to one day adopt a child into our lives. I am very excited to come full circle after one year and with the hope of coming out of this conversation with even greater clarity. (I have to give a shout out to Jen Macaluso-Gilmore and this class that taught me the power of realizing my dreams — www.somethingdifferentnyc.com)
I am grateful to have three home study agencies to choose from — and to know that shortly a decision will be made about who to proceed with and when to sign on the dotted line for the first huge step in our journey to 5.
I am grateful that as of today, I can say that no doubt about it, Emma is officially a two-wheel bike rider!
I am grateful to soak up the last few days of Eden being 2, for all the days I get to see my little girls growing up.
I am grateful for my parents, for all that has shaped me to grow up to be the person I am today.
I am grateful for my family of four; for all that I am, all that I have and all that is yet to be.
Steph
Steph,
What a beautiful post and an amazing picture of my baby boy. Again, tears running down my face. I keep thinking of YOUR baby boy, is he born yet, where is he? He doesn’t know how lucky he is going to be. What a family he is coming into, already so loved and wanted. It is now just time and in G_D’s hands the right child will cuddle up in your lap and YOU will be yelling from a roof top,” I have my LOI”!!!!
Hugs,
Carolyn
Steph,
What a beautiful post and an amazing picture of my baby boy. Again, tears running down my face. I keep thinking of YOUR baby boy, is he born yet, where is he? He doesn’t know how lucky he is going to be. What a family he is coming into, already so loved and wanted. It is now just time and in G_D’s hands the right child will cuddle up in your lap and YOU will be yelling from a roof top,” I have my LOI”!!!!
Hugs,
Carolyn
Steph,
What a beautiful post and an amazing picture of my baby boy. Again, tears running down my face. I keep thinking of YOUR baby boy, is he born yet, where is he? He doesn’t know how lucky he is going to be. What a family he is coming into, already so loved and wanted. It is now just time and in G_D’s hands the right child will cuddle up in your lap and YOU will be yelling from a roof top,” I have my LOI”!!!!
Hugs,
Carolyn
This was a great post, Steph. So many things to be thankful about! I guess, this is something we always have to remmeber. Sorry I did not call you, I have been so busy, every day something happened or something had to be done. I hope we will get a chance to meet soon.
This was a great post, Steph. So many things to be thankful about! I guess, this is something we always have to remmeber. Sorry I did not call you, I have been so busy, every day something happened or something had to be done. I hope we will get a chance to meet soon.
This was a great post, Steph. So many things to be thankful about! I guess, this is something we always have to remmeber. Sorry I did not call you, I have been so busy, every day something happened or something had to be done. I hope we will get a chance to meet soon.
Great Post— lots to be thankful for, including a very special little one that you don’t even know yet! The pictures are great. Your blog is supposed to be REAL life, not some fake thing. Just had this discussion with another mom with a little girl from Kaz- those who pretend like life (marriage, parenting, adoption, etc.) is all champagne, roses and strawberries are either lying, missing the boat or “stepfordish”- and yes, that is a word 🙂
I’m glad it is no longer “if” and is now “when?”
Great Post— lots to be thankful for, including a very special little one that you don’t even know yet! The pictures are great. Your blog is supposed to be REAL life, not some fake thing. Just had this discussion with another mom with a little girl from Kaz- those who pretend like life (marriage, parenting, adoption, etc.) is all champagne, roses and strawberries are either lying, missing the boat or “stepfordish”- and yes, that is a word 🙂
I’m glad it is no longer “if” and is now “when?”
Great Post— lots to be thankful for, including a very special little one that you don’t even know yet! The pictures are great. Your blog is supposed to be REAL life, not some fake thing. Just had this discussion with another mom with a little girl from Kaz- those who pretend like life (marriage, parenting, adoption, etc.) is all champagne, roses and strawberries are either lying, missing the boat or “stepfordish”- and yes, that is a word 🙂
I’m glad it is no longer “if” and is now “when?”
STEPHANIE, MY DEAREST STEPHANIE-
How proud I am of all the enlightenment and clarity you have gained these last few weeks. You have truly been, “LIVING AS IF….”
Living as if you already have this child. As your best friend for 35 years, I can say that I know you to always have sought out new things to challenge yourself with, new things to learn, new ways to grow..etc.
You have never shied away from obstacles, fear of commitments…Perhaps like all of us, you have tried things and realized it wasn’t for you, but you always tested yourself, allowed yourself to reach out far along the branch to get the ripened, sweet fruit!
The point is, even after all these years, even after all
the wonderful, exciting things you have shared with me and experienced, I have never known anything in my bones to be as RIGHT for you as this decision.
You have the voice and conviction of a woman who is truly following her heart. You are not in “your head”…. those moments may come, but they are fleeting… ultimately, you are allowing your authentic self shine through… so despite the feeling of anxiousness or scariness that would naturally come with a decision that is going to change the dynamics of your family as you know it…you are still staying the course…filling out the paperwork, interviewing the social workers, deciding why one may work better for you than the other, communicating with people who have already done this, opening yourself up to the world.
Not to tell you what to do, but to better guide, support and encourage you through this. If that isn’t a well – thought out, mature, loving, compassionate and open-minded person i don’t know what is!
You are allowing yourself the knowledge of others, the opinions of others, (although you don’t necessarily have to agree with others choices!)..you’re allowing yourself the option to see all sides.
Not sure if I am making sense or just rambling from one thing to another here…I feel passionate about you, your family, this tremendous decision and needless to say, support you one hundred percent of the way.
I hope to travel with you and photograph the day you will call him your son. This child now may be faceless and nameless to you, but i know in your heart you already know who he is and what he will look like and when you meet, it will be like you have known each other your whole lives.
He may be joining a new family physically in America, (and that family isn’t limited to the Karp’s, but to all of your extended family of close friends that surround you.) but my dear Stephanie, he is already with you there in his heart; waiting.
Might I add before i sign-off that how EXTRA-ordinary it is for me to digest the concept that you are a woman who chooses this. You have been blessed to have had the opportunity to have your own children and can continue to….yet, you choose to offer another child a chance to be a part of your family.
What a gift, a mother teaching her children how to love, beyond limits, beyond boundaries, beyond sterotypes….. that is a priceless gift to those two precious little girls of yours.
Stephanie, you don’t talk the talk, you walk the walk!
May God bless you each and every day and bring you one step closer to your new child!
I love you with all my heart.
I only hope that I will have a family of my own one day, so they can share and be a part of all of this with you.
love kim
STEPHANIE, MY DEAREST STEPHANIE-
How proud I am of all the enlightenment and clarity you have gained these last few weeks. You have truly been, “LIVING AS IF….”
Living as if you already have this child. As your best friend for 35 years, I can say that I know you to always have sought out new things to challenge yourself with, new things to learn, new ways to grow..etc.
You have never shied away from obstacles, fear of commitments…Perhaps like all of us, you have tried things and realized it wasn’t for you, but you always tested yourself, allowed yourself to reach out far along the branch to get the ripened, sweet fruit!
The point is, even after all these years, even after all
the wonderful, exciting things you have shared with me and experienced, I have never known anything in my bones to be as RIGHT for you as this decision.
You have the voice and conviction of a woman who is truly following her heart. You are not in “your head”…. those moments may come, but they are fleeting… ultimately, you are allowing your authentic self shine through… so despite the feeling of anxiousness or scariness that would naturally come with a decision that is going to change the dynamics of your family as you know it…you are still staying the course…filling out the paperwork, interviewing the social workers, deciding why one may work better for you than the other, communicating with people who have already done this, opening yourself up to the world.
Not to tell you what to do, but to better guide, support and encourage you through this. If that isn’t a well – thought out, mature, loving, compassionate and open-minded person i don’t know what is!
You are allowing yourself the knowledge of others, the opinions of others, (although you don’t necessarily have to agree with others choices!)..you’re allowing yourself the option to see all sides.
Not sure if I am making sense or just rambling from one thing to another here…I feel passionate about you, your family, this tremendous decision and needless to say, support you one hundred percent of the way.
I hope to travel with you and photograph the day you will call him your son. This child now may be faceless and nameless to you, but i know in your heart you already know who he is and what he will look like and when you meet, it will be like you have known each other your whole lives.
He may be joining a new family physically in America, (and that family isn’t limited to the Karp’s, but to all of your extended family of close friends that surround you.) but my dear Stephanie, he is already with you there in his heart; waiting.
Might I add before i sign-off that how EXTRA-ordinary it is for me to digest the concept that you are a woman who chooses this. You have been blessed to have had the opportunity to have your own children and can continue to….yet, you choose to offer another child a chance to be a part of your family.
What a gift, a mother teaching her children how to love, beyond limits, beyond boundaries, beyond sterotypes….. that is a priceless gift to those two precious little girls of yours.
Stephanie, you don’t talk the talk, you walk the walk!
May God bless you each and every day and bring you one step closer to your new child!
I love you with all my heart.
I only hope that I will have a family of my own one day, so they can share and be a part of all of this with you.
love kim
STEPHANIE, MY DEAREST STEPHANIE-
How proud I am of all the enlightenment and clarity you have gained these last few weeks. You have truly been, “LIVING AS IF….”
Living as if you already have this child. As your best friend for 35 years, I can say that I know you to always have sought out new things to challenge yourself with, new things to learn, new ways to grow..etc.
You have never shied away from obstacles, fear of commitments…Perhaps like all of us, you have tried things and realized it wasn’t for you, but you always tested yourself, allowed yourself to reach out far along the branch to get the ripened, sweet fruit!
The point is, even after all these years, even after all
the wonderful, exciting things you have shared with me and experienced, I have never known anything in my bones to be as RIGHT for you as this decision.
You have the voice and conviction of a woman who is truly following her heart. You are not in “your head”…. those moments may come, but they are fleeting… ultimately, you are allowing your authentic self shine through… so despite the feeling of anxiousness or scariness that would naturally come with a decision that is going to change the dynamics of your family as you know it…you are still staying the course…filling out the paperwork, interviewing the social workers, deciding why one may work better for you than the other, communicating with people who have already done this, opening yourself up to the world.
Not to tell you what to do, but to better guide, support and encourage you through this. If that isn’t a well – thought out, mature, loving, compassionate and open-minded person i don’t know what is!
You are allowing yourself the knowledge of others, the opinions of others, (although you don’t necessarily have to agree with others choices!)..you’re allowing yourself the option to see all sides.
Not sure if I am making sense or just rambling from one thing to another here…I feel passionate about you, your family, this tremendous decision and needless to say, support you one hundred percent of the way.
I hope to travel with you and photograph the day you will call him your son. This child now may be faceless and nameless to you, but i know in your heart you already know who he is and what he will look like and when you meet, it will be like you have known each other your whole lives.
He may be joining a new family physically in America, (and that family isn’t limited to the Karp’s, but to all of your extended family of close friends that surround you.) but my dear Stephanie, he is already with you there in his heart; waiting.
Might I add before i sign-off that how EXTRA-ordinary it is for me to digest the concept that you are a woman who chooses this. You have been blessed to have had the opportunity to have your own children and can continue to….yet, you choose to offer another child a chance to be a part of your family.
What a gift, a mother teaching her children how to love, beyond limits, beyond boundaries, beyond sterotypes….. that is a priceless gift to those two precious little girls of yours.
Stephanie, you don’t talk the talk, you walk the walk!
May God bless you each and every day and bring you one step closer to your new child!
I love you with all my heart.
I only hope that I will have a family of my own one day, so they can share and be a part of all of this with you.
love kim