The truth? I am having a tough time maintaining the image of our son in my mind. Nothing’s happening. No paperwork has been approved yet. We are still months away from a complete home study, and even MORE months away from the all important I171. I am not giving up, let me assure you. But the belief that one day this will happen for us too, even in the face of others moving ahead with wonderful news and progress that should give hope, is hard to maintain. It feels very removed right now, but perhaps this is par for the course. I’m not just waiting post paperwork in that “paper pregnancy” stage knowing and assuming what my status is, I’m simply wondering constantly if our paperwork is lost or rejected and will ever move us forward at all. What will be happening in our lives on Dec. 22, 2009? How will my thoughts have changed, and at what stage will we be then? Thankfully, I have lots to be grateful for, and much joy to celebrate this holiday season, that resurfaces more with each word I type now. It’s okay to feel down once in a while. I can see it’s part of the emotional roller coaster of international adoption, and at its’ very base stage. What other twists and dips and soaring heights are to come? It’s okay that today was one filled with disappointments and frustrations. The point is that I have the ability to flip it around, to come out on top, to feel gratitude for all that I hold in my life right now. For all that is, in time, yet to be.
Emma put it best yesterday, in the dark car driving home from Gary’s mother’s Hanukkah celebration. Unprovoked, she asked “You know what my favorite gift is? Mommy, Daddy and Eden.” And that is what I hold dear at the times when I feel like a big poop.
Oh it is SO okay to feel like a poop more often than not during this process. You are right there are more ups and downs to come but as long as you remain focused and know that it WILL happen one day, you will get through the bad days.
Wishing you a very happy holiday season and a new year filled with many blessings!
Kim
Oh it is SO okay to feel like a poop more often than not during this process. You are right there are more ups and downs to come but as long as you remain focused and know that it WILL happen one day, you will get through the bad days.
Wishing you a very happy holiday season and a new year filled with many blessings!
Kim
Oh it is SO okay to feel like a poop more often than not during this process. You are right there are more ups and downs to come but as long as you remain focused and know that it WILL happen one day, you will get through the bad days.
Wishing you a very happy holiday season and a new year filled with many blessings!
Kim
Hi Steph,
This process is such a rollercoaster, filled with some of the highest highs you’ll ever experience, and some of the most frustrating lows too. But you will get through this. My wish for you is that on December 22nd, 2009, you can sit back and realize that it was all worth it.
In the meantime, wishing you, Gary, Emma, and Eden a very happy Chanukah and a wonderful new year.
Hugs from AZ…
Hi Steph,
This process is such a rollercoaster, filled with some of the highest highs you’ll ever experience, and some of the most frustrating lows too. But you will get through this. My wish for you is that on December 22nd, 2009, you can sit back and realize that it was all worth it.
In the meantime, wishing you, Gary, Emma, and Eden a very happy Chanukah and a wonderful new year.
Hugs from AZ…
we are right there with you….we just said to each other today…where are we going to be this time next year?! Are we going to have our little one with us sitting under the tree christmas morning….or are we going to be hoping that 2010 will be a better year???
we will be praying for you as well 🙂
we are right there with you….we just said to each other today…where are we going to be this time next year?! Are we going to have our little one with us sitting under the tree christmas morning….or are we going to be hoping that 2010 will be a better year???
we will be praying for you as well 🙂
we are right there with you….we just said to each other today…where are we going to be this time next year?! Are we going to have our little one with us sitting under the tree christmas morning….or are we going to be hoping that 2010 will be a better year???
we will be praying for you as well 🙂
Hi Stephanie! This waiting is so difficult.Hang in there.I was so sure we would have another child with us this Christmas.I hope 2009 is our lucky year.All the Best!!!
Hi Stephanie! This waiting is so difficult.Hang in there.I was so sure we would have another child with us this Christmas.I hope 2009 is our lucky year.All the Best!!!
Hi Stephanie! This waiting is so difficult.Hang in there.I was so sure we would have another child with us this Christmas.I hope 2009 is our lucky year.All the Best!!!
must be very frustrated, this is how we felt last year, for holidays. WE did not know what is going to happen! I hope from all my heart your dream will come true very soon.
Wishing you a wonderful year! And thank you for the lovely card!
will be in touch soon,
Catalina
must be very frustrated, this is how we felt last year, for holidays. WE did not know what is going to happen! I hope from all my heart your dream will come true very soon.
Wishing you a wonderful year! And thank you for the lovely card!
will be in touch soon,
Catalina
must be very frustrated, this is how we felt last year, for holidays. WE did not know what is going to happen! I hope from all my heart your dream will come true very soon.
Wishing you a wonderful year! And thank you for the lovely card!
will be in touch soon,
Catalina
I am in Almatywith my new daughter right now. if you look at my posts in October I was miserable. So much changed so quickly. Kaz is a hurry up and wait program. Your hurry days will come-just when you least expect it. In the mean time know that the down days are all just part of the experience. Hang in there, Lori
I am in Almatywith my new daughter right now. if you look at my posts in October I was miserable. So much changed so quickly. Kaz is a hurry up and wait program. Your hurry days will come-just when you least expect it. In the mean time know that the down days are all just part of the experience. Hang in there, Lori
I am in Almatywith my new daughter right now. if you look at my posts in October I was miserable. So much changed so quickly. Kaz is a hurry up and wait program. Your hurry days will come-just when you least expect it. In the mean time know that the down days are all just part of the experience. Hang in there, Lori
Hang in there Stephanie!
Hang in there Stephanie!
Hang in there Stephanie!
Only international adoption can make someone feel so full of hope and hopeless all at the same time. It is a crazy ride.
Thanks for your comments on my blog. To answer your question about donating money to keep children out of the mental institutions, you can go to reecesrainbow.com
They are a non profit that sets up grants for special needs children. Many of these children are just months away from being sent to an institution where they will be bedridden for life. By offering grants to help cover their adoption expenses these children stand a much better chance of being adopted.
Only international adoption can make someone feel so full of hope and hopeless all at the same time. It is a crazy ride.
Thanks for your comments on my blog. To answer your question about donating money to keep children out of the mental institutions, you can go to reecesrainbow.com
They are a non profit that sets up grants for special needs children. Many of these children are just months away from being sent to an institution where they will be bedridden for life. By offering grants to help cover their adoption expenses these children stand a much better chance of being adopted.
Only international adoption can make someone feel so full of hope and hopeless all at the same time. It is a crazy ride.
Thanks for your comments on my blog. To answer your question about donating money to keep children out of the mental institutions, you can go to reecesrainbow.com
They are a non profit that sets up grants for special needs children. Many of these children are just months away from being sent to an institution where they will be bedridden for life. By offering grants to help cover their adoption expenses these children stand a much better chance of being adopted.