The reality sets in that this is our last weekend as a family of four and this morning Emma, Eden and I were playing a matching game, which led to free flowing conversation, which then lead to us going around in a circle talking about our upcoming changes. I am so proud of my girls to be able to share their feelings, to admit freely, after not having told me this before, that as excited as they are about Brother coming, they have “mixed up feelings.” I am so proud of them and proud that we were able to have a discussion going around our little circle talking about one thing we are excited about and one thing we are sad about.
Some of the things they are excited about:
1. Never being bored in the house
2. Having another person to love in our family
3. Having another person at the dining room table
4. Having their own little boy person around since they love Tyler, Henry and Dylan so much
Some of the things they are sad about:
1. Missing our family of 4, which then got Emma talking about how she misses being a family of 3 even though she wouldn’t trade Eden for anything.
2. Having less time with Mommy and Daddy
3. Not being able to sit on Mommy and Daddy’s lap
4. Worrying if they won’t *want* to sit on *my* lap anymore because they will be so busy with Brother
I told them that I am going to make some huge changes which will involve not multi-tasking so much, not checking my emails until they are asleep and Emma asked “But what about your blog that you love?” and I said that will wait until you are playing with friends or asleep. My life in the present is far more important than recording the life I am living. I will remember more of my life by living it fully than by recording it.
I told Emma and Eden (and, just as equally, reminded myself) that I have been looking forward to this chapter in my life for a very long time now and my attention will be focused because of it. I think we will actually have a better quality of family life because of it. And we vowed to always have open communication with each other (I called it our Mother Daughter Girls Pact) and that we will always tell each other what is on our minds so that we can always remain the close and open family that we are.
That being said, especially when I just come home, I am going to shut the ringers off of my phone. I will check messages late at night and return calls then, a few a night. If it is a huge emergency then my cell phone is always there. But it is so mandatory for me as we all get to know each other as a family to not be interrupted by the things that I love to do — connecting with friends being one of them. It would be so easy for me to pick up the phone and say HI but I also don’t want to be tempted to take time away during this crucial time. I need to give this chapter of my life my all. It will only make life easier for me as time goes on.
So that being said when I do come home, I will be so grateful to hear from my friends and family but please understand if it takes me just a little while to return or initiate some calls, between jet lag and acclimating to my new family, making sure the girls are okay and accommodating all of Major’s needs. I think we’ll need to live in a cocoon for just a little while and I bet I will enjoy it. It’s one of the reasons Gary and I loved being in Kazakhstan, it was sort of a cocoon of life, how often do we allow ourselves the luxury of living in the moment.
I have been known to be a harried, unorganized mother (shocker alert!) However, according to my own organized mother, I do it to myself with my non-preparedness, late nights of internet searches and over-scheduling. Now this is not me all the time, but when this does happen, it leads to anxiety and rushing, not the ways I want to live. I joke that I will be a harried mother of three, but I don’t have to be. I don’t *want* to be. I want to be, and I *can* be, a very present, in-tuned, connected and loving mother of three.
This next chapter of my life …. bring it on baby. I’m so ready.
