Looking at Major’s bed when I wake up in the morning has given me intense happiness. The smell of the new furniture, the wood, the sheets so soft — it all holds so much promise. I moved his bed around closer to one wall and this morning the sun filtered in and I thought, that is how he is going to wake up every day, with a little natural sunlight falling on his cuteness, and I counted the days in my head and thought, in about 20 days (give or take) he is going to actually be in this bed. Oh the joy of waking up to the reality of knowing we are finally a family.
All at once, however, after this thought came a wave of nausea, a pit in my stomach, an intense sadness and just a moment of dread in my heart. In the birth of this new family of 5 comes the end of something that I knew before. It hit me like a ton of bricks that this Sunday is the last Sunday we will ever experience as a family of 4 and it almost made me want to cry. The reality is that I felt this way when I was pregnant with Eden, the sadness and the loss of the small family of three that Gary, Emma and I shared. But I recall vividly too that, despite having post partum blah for a little while and aside from that period of time in general when hormones were running amuck, I never felt the losses but only the gains.
There are losses, as is the case when one door closes and another opens. But in the opening of a new door, there are also gains. And I know the gains for Major will be great, the gains for Emma and Eden will be great and the gains for us to share in his life will be great. I will absolutely make sure to spend one on one time with Emma and Eden during this time, even if just to separate from the family for a little while and do their nails or play a puzzle. I have a lot of one on one time with Eden, at least 2.5 hours every day when it is just us before we pick up Emma from school. Though by the time Emma finishes her homework or her activity and we have dinner, often times I am putting both kids to bed. But I know as time goes on the importance of spending quality time with each individually will only grow in necessity.
There are some projects I never started or never finished, but the next 6 months with them still sitting there, well, it won’t make a difference at all. Cleaning my closets and finishing photo albums, well, there is always the summer time and a half hour here and there in the evening.
What will make a difference? Spending quality time with Major Cutie, attaching, bonding, being patient, having more evening time with Gary home and all of us together as a family. Less time on the phone or the internet, less time multi-tasking. I have a feeling that in many ways, the “gains” of this time in our lives, will be that I actually focus more on us, more on my family unit and as such will have become more present in my life in general, something I struggle with at times, often succeeding, sometimes not. And in doing all of this for Major to help him feel a part of our family, it actually becomes an extremely memorable time for us all.
11 more days until he’s ours forever …
Very well written Stephanie. And you can call me anytime you are having a hard time or a great time, too! I sometimes still feel the loss of a family of 4 but we love Nicholas and can't imagine a life without him. It will change you in ways you cannot imagine!
I am so excited for you guys to get Major. 74 days… wow that is a long time but it is almost over. I imagine you are leaving very soon…. yeah!
I am so excited for you guys to get Major. 74 days… wow that is a long time but it is almost over. I imagine you are leaving very soon…. yeah!
I know that you will do a super job giving each of your children the time and attention that they need!
Grandma Marsha
Stephanie: So nicely said! I imagine that just putting your intentions down on paper has started the process of everyone feeling cherished during this time of change…you ARE already an awesome mom to 3!
Quaintance
Stephanie: So nicely said! I imagine that just putting your intentions down on paper has started the process of everyone feeling cherished during this time of change…you ARE already an awesome mom to 3!
Quaintance
Stephanie: So nicely said! I imagine that just putting your intentions down on paper has started the process of everyone feeling cherished during this time of change…you ARE already an awesome mom to 3!
Quaintance
Those are such sweet sentaments Stephanie. It is hard to imagine how life will be when little Major gets there….for one you will have one more "man" in the house to deal with! LOL! Are the girls ready? In my family it was 3 girls and the youngest a boy…we still consider him the crown prince…well I think that's how he see's himself!
Wishing you a safe journey back to Major!
Lisa
Those are such sweet sentaments Stephanie. It is hard to imagine how life will be when little Major gets there….for one you will have one more "man" in the house to deal with! LOL! Are the girls ready? In my family it was 3 girls and the youngest a boy…we still consider him the crown prince…well I think that's how he see's himself!
Wishing you a safe journey back to Major!
Lisa
Those are such sweet sentaments Stephanie. It is hard to imagine how life will be when little Major gets there….for one you will have one more "man" in the house to deal with! LOL! Are the girls ready? In my family it was 3 girls and the youngest a boy…we still consider him the crown prince…well I think that's how he see's himself!
Wishing you a safe journey back to Major!
Lisa
There are few moments in life as profound as when a child joins your family….be it biologically or through adoption. Its that moment you stand on the precipe of having been defined by one term, "family of 3, or 4, etc." and then suddenly so much more than before…family of 5.
It doesn't erase the joy that came before(and its okay to celebrate that happiness too), but in many ways enhances the richness of the family afterwards. Taking the things you loved about being a Mama of 2 and a happy family of 4 and blending those in with becoming a Mama( and really you aleady are!) of 3 (family of 5) will help to guide and steady you….help to bring a mixture of familiarity with the new journey your family is taking.
I'm so excited for you and can't imagine any one being more ready for this transition period than you. I remember feeling all those same emotions just a bit over a year ago, just before bringing Tyler home.
Enjoy this extra sweet time with your girls…savor it and celebrate it!
Be sure and take one more picture of your family just as you are now…this coming weekend….or before you leave for Major Cutie Pie 🙂 . You will treasure having it and tucking it next to the "after" photo you take for the first time as a joyous family of 5.
Good luck as you prepare for this final trip!
There are few moments in life as profound as when a child joins your family….be it biologically or through adoption. Its that moment you stand on the precipe of having been defined by one term, "family of 3, or 4, etc." and then suddenly so much more than before…family of 5.
It doesn't erase the joy that came before(and its okay to celebrate that happiness too), but in many ways enhances the richness of the family afterwards. Taking the things you loved about being a Mama of 2 and a happy family of 4 and blending those in with becoming a Mama( and really you aleady are!) of 3 (family of 5) will help to guide and steady you….help to bring a mixture of familiarity with the new journey your family is taking.
I'm so excited for you and can't imagine any one being more ready for this transition period than you. I remember feeling all those same emotions just a bit over a year ago, just before bringing Tyler home.
Enjoy this extra sweet time with your girls…savor it and celebrate it!
Be sure and take one more picture of your family just as you are now…this coming weekend….or before you leave for Major Cutie Pie 🙂 . You will treasure having it and tucking it next to the "after" photo you take for the first time as a joyous family of 5.
Good luck as you prepare for this final trip!
There are few moments in life as profound as when a child joins your family….be it biologically or through adoption. Its that moment you stand on the precipe of having been defined by one term, "family of 3, or 4, etc." and then suddenly so much more than before…family of 5.
It doesn't erase the joy that came before(and its okay to celebrate that happiness too), but in many ways enhances the richness of the family afterwards. Taking the things you loved about being a Mama of 2 and a happy family of 4 and blending those in with becoming a Mama( and really you aleady are!) of 3 (family of 5) will help to guide and steady you….help to bring a mixture of familiarity with the new journey your family is taking.
I'm so excited for you and can't imagine any one being more ready for this transition period than you. I remember feeling all those same emotions just a bit over a year ago, just before bringing Tyler home.
Enjoy this extra sweet time with your girls…savor it and celebrate it!
Be sure and take one more picture of your family just as you are now…this coming weekend….or before you leave for Major Cutie Pie 🙂 . You will treasure having it and tucking it next to the "after" photo you take for the first time as a joyous family of 5.
Good luck as you prepare for this final trip!