A Tough Day but Better Than Yesterday

Today Batyrhan greeted us beautifully. When Bolot, our translator, carried him into the room, he then let him down and Batyrhan ran right over to Gary. I had this all on video and it was a wonderful reunion. I then went over and he came easily to me and allowed me to hug and kiss him.

Overall, however, it was a tough visit, which was only about 1.5 hours long and was about 30 minutes too long. Meaning, had we been home we would have gone off to do something else instead of stay inside one room for the final restless and tantrum filled 30 minutes. Batyrhan was exerting an independent spirit today which overall is great, but not when it means he is knocking over chairs in the music room, opening cabinets with things that don’t belong to us, and wanting to run around a carpeted room with an open container of Puffs in a home that is not my own. We had a few people pass through the room again today, but just in passing and no one causing any lasting distraction, but even still, we always feel that we are being watched and/or judged.

He seems to prefer Gary and I’m okay with this because I know that one day he will know and appreciate my mothering style just like Emma and Eden do. We put fewer toys out today to help avoid over stimulation. I tried to sing to him again today but he struggled to push away from me. Even still, I held him a bit longer and spoke to him gently telling him that one day he will never even remember that he pushed me away from him, that he will run to me with open arms and feel very connected to me, and then I respected his wishes and placed him down. I know him just a few days but because I have dreamed about him forever, it is hard for me not to take it personally, thinking “is it me?” I know it can’t be — that like all my fellow Kaz moms who have had similar experiences, he will, given time, fall in love with us and open his heart even more. He must have just eaten before he came to us because he ate a few Puffs and that was it, and then threw my offered cookie on the floor. He wanted nothing to do with the books I read, yet while he played with Gary, I just kept reading so he could hear the English language in a fun storybook voice. He wanted nothing to do with sitting on my lap and playing the piano and nothing to do with looking me in my face at all. For the last 30 minutes of our time together, he kept running towards the door that his caregiver enters to get him. I think he was just *done* with us.

There was a couple who passed through our room a few times while we were running after Batyrhan. Winds up they were a family from Spain adopting a 10 month old girl who just peacefully stayed in their arms. Gary looked at me and raised his eyebrows and then mentioned how easy it would be to just bring a 10 month old and have them part of your family. Batyrhan will need to learn how to be part of our family and will need to learn to love me. I can’t imagine how the Ergo carrier will go over, but I do promise to do every single thing possible to let him know that I am an important person in his life.

There was a moment during the visit that I wanted to just lay low and let whatever happens between Batyrhan and Gary happen. But then I hear voices of a caregiver entering and I quickly jump to attention and join in the little group so that I don’t appear to be ‘disconnected’ if someone were to enter. I don’t think Batyrhan doesn’t like me, as he will come up to me and give a hug when asked, but it’s his lack of interest in me in general that makes me have some concern. A very cute thing happened after Gary had to say “Jok!” to him yet again. Batyrhan got very very mad and walked away. But then he came back and placed his cheek on Gary’s cheek as if to give a hug or embrace. Was it a remorse? We both saw it and we feel there was something very smart happening in that action.

Anyway, I have been told by some Kaz moms to just view the bonding as “play time” and I like that thinking. The only problem is that these rooms are not fully baby proofed (what with small chairs ready to be knocked over, a Christmas tree smack in the center of the room, open heat grills, toys to be pulled off shelves and cabinets with Baby House belongings to be banged open and shut) and with a very curious and typical nearly 2 year old boy who has likely never had such freedom, it is hard to maintain the idea of all play. We chase him a bit and scoop him up and bat at the balloons hanging from the ceiling, but even he tires of these fun games eventually. There are moments when he seems to be figuring a toy out where minutes can pass with this one action, but then the toy is flung aside and we are back to the cabinets or running for the exit.

Overall, I remain firm that I think Batyrhan is a very good and sweet boy. With the same determination, dedication and commitment that I exhibited to get here, I am certain that we can work together as a family so that Batyrhan can be a lovely, fun, joyful addition to our family and our home life and that we can be a source of comfort, love and joy to him as well. It’s just gonna take some work and patience.

——————————————————————————————–

Earlier today, Gary and I took a 3 hour walk door to door in the snow to Tsum department store where I bought a few little souvenirs (I’ll save most of the souvenir buying for the Green Market) and then on to the surrounding areas and another hotel in the area to check it out. It was hard to walk in the snow and at one point, passing through Panfilov Park, my foot slipped out from underneath me and it was like I was doing a slow motion split but trying to stop myself. I felt like I ripped my thigh muscle and will surely feel it tomorrow even worse.

Tonight, we went to a traditional Kazakh restaurant called Zheruik where I had Mutton Plov and Gary had Beshbarmak with Horse meat. I had a couple of tastes and it was sort of like a roast beef. I was so nervous to try it, because I have seen horrific documentary videos that should have made me never try this. But when in Kazakhstan, do as the Kazakhs do. Forgive me.

Then once again, in order to get home, we had to take a taxi and the restaurant helped us get a local “taxi” – or a paid form of hitchhiking. The first car that stopped had two smoking guys in their late 20’s or early 30’s and I said to Gary “No way! There are two people.” I was so uncomfortable, I just didn’t want to do this but Gary, though not thrilled, seemed to trust the process that all the locals do. We finally had a car stop with one smoking guy. A price as arranged (500 Tenge = $3.50) and I told Gary to sit behind the driver thinking he’d put him in a choke hold if God forbid he did anything. I hate thinking like this! Anyway, the driver said “Kazakhstan!” pointing to himself and gestured to us. We said “America!” Gary asked if he spoke English and he shook his head and said “No!” So we sat silently in the car with me interjecting the silence with “Gary, I don’t want to take these taxis ever again.” It wound up being fine and in fact I felt fine driving, but it goes against everything I was ever taught. This, no seat belts, horse meat. This from a girl who always is cautious. Seems Gary is the adventurous one here. Though I guess my adventure is what got us here in the first place …

Photos to be added later.