The Reality of Leaving on Such Short Notice

Posted on by Stephanie Karp


Though I barely have time to write this post, I know that the act of writing, the quiet clicking of the keyboard and the roam of free thoughts flowing through my brain, has always calmed me. I am nervous. I am frazzled. At moments, I am calm. Or crying in the car. Or peaceful. Or bickering with Gary. Or losing patience with my dear parents. Or dreaming of the moment of meeting a little boy. Or adding to my fleece collection with some Under Armour products for under our clothing, or buying winter boots, or finishing up stuff for Eden and Emma’s school projects. Or paying last minute bills. Or organizing their play schedules and birthday parties. Or attempting to finish up my holiday cards (sorry if they never get out this year!) Or feeling grateful that Gary and I will finally have some time without interruption, or searching through my cabinets frantically for my anti-parasite natural remedy or squirting drops in my eye (I caught pink eye from Eden!) Or being overly ambitious thinking I should visit dear Anne Frank’s house on my stop over (decided not to, even though likely doable, but another time.)

I can not believe I have made it this far, that *we* as a family have made it this far. I am feeling in disbelief and yet also very much in belief. I feel more calm already, more focused. Tonight at dinner, a nice local place for the current family of 4, I said to Emma “As much as we are feeling anxious about getting ready and mommy and daddy going for a while, imagine on the other side of the world there is a little boy who does not even know yet that his world is about to change drastically by getting two wonderful big sisters.”
My mom told me she started to cry today when she told me she told someone today that “my daughter is leaving any day to adopt a baby boy.” Is this me she is talking about? Why am I still in disbelief when I have gone through this process mentally and packing-wise just 30 days ago? When will I realize this is real? Have I finally made the dream from when I was 10 years old, dreaming of a baby outside my door who I took in and cared for as my own, a reality? I know there will be hard times ahead, chaos, busy-ness, worries and concerns. But there will be wonder and joy and contentment as well. I have come this far. I am not looking for a perfect child, just a wonderful child to love and to be a little brother to my girls. I know, given time with us for even a few days, this little child will brighten and sparkle. And then even more so when he meets Emma and Eden. And then even more so when he meets his extended family and friends. And then even more so when he meets all his “Kaz cousins” here in the States.
I am grateful that later than I thought but sooner than I hoped, we are going to meet our little boy. I am grateful and hopeful for a safe and joyous journey from New York to Kazakhstan and all the connections in between. I am grateful and hopeful that everything I have ever dreamed and hoped and prayed about in my life has led me up to these final moments. I am grateful and hopeful that we will meet and bond with this little boy who all along, through twists and turns of fate, was meant to be “little brother.” I am grateful for Emma and Eden’s joy at our sudden impending departure, so grateful for my family who will care for them, grateful that it will be a wonderful and busy holiday season for them in our absence. I am grateful and hopeful that when we meet him and hear his given name, we will easily figure out what we were meant to call him too. I am grateful that though I know nothing about this little person — his age, his ethnicity, his anything — he has existed for me all along. I am grateful for the amazing well wishes I have received. I am grateful and hopeful that Gary’s cold feet will get warm again as they did one month ago when we were set to go. I am grateful for the surprise Chanukah gift we are getting this year — and here, I was happy just to be getting my Kindle! I am grateful for the wedding anniversary that Gary and I will get to celebrate in Almaty (Land of Apples) next week. I am grateful for bravery, courage, compassion and love on this next most exciting chapter of our lives as a Family of 5.

Happy Holidays to you all!

30 thoughts on “The Reality of Leaving on Such Short Notice”

  1. I just checked back in on you and what a surprise to see that you will be leaving for Almaty anytime. Congratulations! How exciting! I remember after my 3rd delayed departure date that I didn't believe it when my coordinator said I was leaving. It wasn't real until I was standing in line at the airport with 6 pieces of luggage pushing it forward a few inches every 20 minutes:) I wish you all the best on this huge adventure that has only just begun – even though it's taken you years to get here!

    Safe travels,
    Lou Ann & Lexie from Aktau Kaz too!

  2. I just checked back in on you and what a surprise to see that you will be leaving for Almaty anytime. Congratulations! How exciting! I remember after my 3rd delayed departure date that I didn't believe it when my coordinator said I was leaving. It wasn't real until I was standing in line at the airport with 6 pieces of luggage pushing it forward a few inches every 20 minutes:) I wish you all the best on this huge adventure that has only just begun – even though it's taken you years to get here!

    Safe travels,
    Lou Ann & Lexie from Aktau Kaz too!

  3. I just checked back in on you and what a surprise to see that you will be leaving for Almaty anytime. Congratulations! How exciting! I remember after my 3rd delayed departure date that I didn't believe it when my coordinator said I was leaving. It wasn't real until I was standing in line at the airport with 6 pieces of luggage pushing it forward a few inches every 20 minutes:) I wish you all the best on this huge adventure that has only just begun – even though it's taken you years to get here!

    Safe travels,
    Lou Ann & Lexie from Aktau Kaz too!

  12. It's gonna be so VERY amazing… once you're at the airport it will all feel VERY real and perfect! I can't wait to follow along… BEST WISHES for safe & easy travels.

  13. It's gonna be so VERY amazing… once you're at the airport it will all feel VERY real and perfect! I can't wait to follow along… BEST WISHES for safe & easy travels.

  14. I am so happy and excited for your journey to begin!

    Now that I'm sitting on the other side I just know it will all work out as it should.

    I will be thinking of you constantly! Write and blog as often as you can. Gary will be awesome – my husband stepped up like I never imagined he could. I love and admire him more now than ever before! Gary is no different and he will not disappoint you!

    Blessings, love and safe travels to the other side of the world!

    Your Mommy is on the way little one!

  15. I am so happy and excited for your journey to begin!

    Now that I'm sitting on the other side I just know it will all work out as it should.

    I will be thinking of you constantly! Write and blog as often as you can. Gary will be awesome – my husband stepped up like I never imagined he could. I love and admire him more now than ever before! Gary is no different and he will not disappoint you!

    Blessings, love and safe travels to the other side of the world!

    Your Mommy is on the way little one!

  16. I am so happy and excited for your journey to begin!

    Now that I'm sitting on the other side I just know it will all work out as it should.

    I will be thinking of you constantly! Write and blog as often as you can. Gary will be awesome – my husband stepped up like I never imagined he could. I love and admire him more now than ever before! Gary is no different and he will not disappoint you!

    Blessings, love and safe travels to the other side of the world!

    Your Mommy is on the way little one!

  19. Anxiously awaiting the notice of your arrival! Safe and speedy travel wishes sent your way.
    xoxo Julie

  20. Anxiously awaiting the notice of your arrival! Safe and speedy travel wishes sent your way.
    xoxo Julie

  21. Anxiously awaiting the notice of your arrival! Safe and speedy travel wishes sent your way.
    xoxo Julie

  22. So excited that things have moved forward! Continue to expect the unexpected and you will have a great journey. So happy for the little boy that is waiting for you! 🙂

  23. So excited that things have moved forward! Continue to expect the unexpected and you will have a great journey. So happy for the little boy that is waiting for you! 🙂

  24. So excited that things have moved forward! Continue to expect the unexpected and you will have a great journey. So happy for the little boy that is waiting for you! 🙂

  25. I love you Steph and I am so excited for you I can hardly stand it!

    I am sitting on the edge of my sit waiting for the next piece of news.

    Relax and enjoy your time with Gary, you guys will be awesome together.

    Love to both of you!

  26. I love you Steph and I am so excited for you I can hardly stand it!

    I am sitting on the edge of my sit waiting for the next piece of news.

    Relax and enjoy your time with Gary, you guys will be awesome together.

    Love to both of you!

  27. I love you Steph and I am so excited for you I can hardly stand it!

    I am sitting on the edge of my sit waiting for the next piece of news.

    Relax and enjoy your time with Gary, you guys will be awesome together.

    Love to both of you!

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