Fifteen minutes into our visit with Batyrhan today, Gary said to me, “This is 100x better than any day in the past.” It was a Saturday and entering the Baby House already felt different. Quiet. I did not see any caregivers at all. I heard no one and saw no families. I had a good feeling about it and as we entered the Music Room the sun was filtering in through the sheer curtains. I laid out some toys and prepared for his arrival.
Earlier in the morning, I had made the decision to buy new toys for Batyrhan. I got the sense the toys we had didn’t have enough bells and whistles for him and perhaps that was adding to his restlessness. When adopting in Kazakhstan, it is necessary to bring your own toys for your bonding period, as well as a sheet or mat to play on with your child. Batyrhan seems to like toys that enable him to figure things out and perhaps in almost two weeks he had mastered what we brought. Other toys that were available in the music room all have their batteries removed, so I also armed myself with some batteries to bring too. He was intrigued yesterday with the bright toys of the little 13 month old girl in the room. Toys here, even Fisher Price, are about 3x more expensive than at home — a simple toy could be about $60. We happened to go to Mother Care, a very nice store two blocks from our hotel that sells toys from England and Switzerland with beautiful and extremely expensive Italian children’s clothing, and there were some English “talking” toys on sale which brought them back to down to American prices. We bought 4 toys, three of them were V-Tech toys that sang, taught letters, played music and had flashing lights. It was funny that the women’s voices in the toys all had British accents. Similar toys that spoke in Russian were not on sale. I didn’t want to spend $60 on one Russian speaking Fisher Price toy. I’ll see if I can find it in Brighton Beach.
Our translator today was the young 24 year old who we had last Saturday as well. He is the son of Aigul, another adoption coordinator. He studied at Oxford University for a year and seems to like to practice his English — he’s a polite and lovely well dressed guy who drives a Mercedes and wear $500 Italian shoes. Our ride was nice and reminded me of the comfort of our first few days driving in Tatiana’s Lexus. He walks down the little hallway holding Batyrhan’s hand and Gary and I are waiting for him with open arms. Interestingly, though Batyrhan has only seen this particular translator just once before, he kept looking back at him as if to say “Is this okay? Should I go?” Batyrhan smiled but still appeared shy so I approached him and took his hand and gently brought him over to the play area.
We only had a 55 minute visit today. I can say that for now it couldn’t have gone better. For 90% of our time together, Batyrhan stayed with us on the sheet playing with the toys. He didn’t interact with us very much specifically but he played with the toys very well (building blocks and buttons and balls that you insert into a tube). When he took a pull toy and wandered around the room with it, he eventually came back to plop on Gary’s lap.
I took the advice of Katherine and brought some hand cream and tried to give Batyrhan a little hand massage and then put some on his back also. He seemed intrigued by it but it only lasted a minute. I even had him put some on my own hand. Additionally, I have recently had acupuncture and learned about the “peaceful point” right on your forehead that, with pressure there, makes one feel calm. I took a dot of cream and he allowed me to place some and massage a little circle on his head.
Shortly after that, out come a juice box. I took a sip first and then helped him try this sweet banana drink. I squeezed the box until some came up from the straw and then he appeared to get the hang of it. He did not stop drinking — his eyes were sort of focused into the distance and he just kept sucking and sucking and sucking and also squeezing the juice everywhere. Made me wonder what the caregivers would think when he came back smelling like a wet banana.
For much of the visit, I was sitting behind Batyrhan with him in between my open V legs. When I went to move to the side so that I could see him, he actually pushed me away from him and continued playing with his toy. A few seconds later, he gave a sudden out of the blue laugh and hit me fairly hard on the chest about three times. Gary and I could not figure out if he was being playful or meant it to be aggressive. Later on, while drinking his juice, he actually came back to me and plopped on my lap unsolicited. Perhaps he’s getting the sense we do like to be with him when he’s eating.
The visit ended fairly quickly — we had not been told of the short visit in advance. But it ended before we felt we were even ready and that is a great feeling.
The room was quiet, the new age appropriate toys were perfect for Batyrhan, not one caregiver entered our room and not one noise was heard in the building at all. Batyrhan showed himself to be a boy who actually could sit and build with big legos and press buttons and enjoy his pull toys. He showed himself to play independently and concentrate. He also showed himself to be someone who requires and accepts help. He placed Gary’s hand on a toy he needed help with and he also lifted up his arms to be lifted from his laying down position, even though he could have easily gotten up on his own. Teaching him to depend on us is tantamount and we happily comply.
Both Gary and I felt peaceful with Batyrhan. We didn’t have to try so hard. We let him play and we watched and joined him. There was no being “on” for any caregivers that may have been in the room. No one came in to speak with him in Kazakh and take his attention away from us which then only made it harder to get back.
When a new caregiver came to get him today, Batyrhan smiled at her and reached for her happily. But Mama and Daddy surely left there with happy hearts.
As my Aunt Evie said to me today, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” She is so very right. Today, a few more bricks were laid.
————————————————————————————————-
Aside from our lovely visit with Batyrhan, Gary and I had a lovely time today enjoying lunch at Mad Murphy’s ( we hoped to find the Americans people talk about there but at lunch time we were the only patrons but the waitress was one of the friendliest Kazakhs we have met), then walking in Panfilov Park which we really seem to enjoy and was quite beautiful in the sun and snow. We walked back to the pigeon area and took some photos and then entered the old cathedral there as well. After our visit with Batyrhan, our translator took us shopping for boots for Gary and outdoor gear for us. Who would have thought we’d be purchasing ski pants in Kazakhstan! Gary and I are doing an excursion with our translators and 3 Belgian couples tomorrow up to the mountains to a famous Kazakh ski resort called Chimbuluk and then a famous speed skating rink called Medeu. I don’t plan on skiing but they might have sledding there. Regardless, we will not lack for warmth. The translators are also cooking for us a traditional Kazakh meal called Shashlyk. When asked what it was, we were simply told “meat.” I will let you know tomorrow.
Tonight, we enjoyed an experience at Temujin, a restaurant specializing in Mongolian, Chinese and Japanese and Hibachi. I had not known that the menu would only be in Russian and that no one would speak English at all there. Do you want to know how I ordered my chicken dish after the waitress looked baffled by my speech? I actually resorted to flapping my wings! The dish I hoped for was a hibachi chicken, vegetables and rice. What I got was a cross between Chicken Cordon Bleu and Chicken Marsala. I did get rice! For Gary, he received a very tasty T-bone steak after we “mooed” at the waitress.
Such is life here in this unique land. With a happy heart and excitement for a unique day in the mountains of Kazakhstan tomorrow, I bid you good night and much love for all your support, guidance and love.
I love this post! Glad you laid a few bricks 😉 Wanted to tell you that around bonding days 8-10, Lera acted up and 'got us in trouble' (that's how it felt with the caregivers there). Our coordinator told us that it was textbook toddler "testing" – to see if we'd enforce boundaries AND to see if we'd still like her when she's "bad." That really helped me to understand. Also – it is SOO much easier when you are at home, with no caregivers watching and room to roam. Keep up the lotion – we still have it as part of our bedtime routine and it's one of our most special moments each day. All the best to you – Alison
I love this post! Glad you laid a few bricks 😉 Wanted to tell you that around bonding days 8-10, Lera acted up and 'got us in trouble' (that's how it felt with the caregivers there). Our coordinator told us that it was textbook toddler "testing" – to see if we'd enforce boundaries AND to see if we'd still like her when she's "bad." That really helped me to understand. Also – it is SOO much easier when you are at home, with no caregivers watching and room to roam. Keep up the lotion – we still have it as part of our bedtime routine and it's one of our most special moments each day. All the best to you – Alison
I love this post! Glad you laid a few bricks 😉 Wanted to tell you that around bonding days 8-10, Lera acted up and 'got us in trouble' (that's how it felt with the caregivers there). Our coordinator told us that it was textbook toddler "testing" – to see if we'd enforce boundaries AND to see if we'd still like her when she's "bad." That really helped me to understand. Also – it is SOO much easier when you are at home, with no caregivers watching and room to roam. Keep up the lotion – we still have it as part of our bedtime routine and it's one of our most special moments each day. All the best to you – Alison
Oh Steph, I am crying happy tears for you. What a lovely visit you had with your son today. It sounds so sweet and peaceful. The one thing that I did, weather it was right or wrong was I gave Henry his space, even when we came home. I know looking back it may have made the bonding longer for us but it is what felt right in my heart. These little people have feeling and rights and we need to respect them even though we want to have things happen NOW!!!!
You are doing everything right and perfect and I know in my heart and soul this little boy you are spending time with now is no where near the child he will one day when he gets home. What a miracle it will be to watch it unfold and lucky me, I have a front row seat.
I hope you and Gary enjoyed your dinner tonight. As always, thinking of you every minute of everyday.
xxxxxxxxxoooooooooo
Oh Steph, I am crying happy tears for you. What a lovely visit you had with your son today. It sounds so sweet and peaceful. The one thing that I did, weather it was right or wrong was I gave Henry his space, even when we came home. I know looking back it may have made the bonding longer for us but it is what felt right in my heart. These little people have feeling and rights and we need to respect them even though we want to have things happen NOW!!!!
You are doing everything right and perfect and I know in my heart and soul this little boy you are spending time with now is no where near the child he will one day when he gets home. What a miracle it will be to watch it unfold and lucky me, I have a front row seat.
I hope you and Gary enjoyed your dinner tonight. As always, thinking of you every minute of everyday.
xxxxxxxxxoooooooooo
YES! Sounds like a great visit, albeit short. Sounds like he is much calmer with less commotion…completely normal for institutionalized kids. You see how important it is to keep things low key when you get home.
Nicholas still drinks like that, he sucks it all down unless I'm with him reminding him to slow down. And then he turns it upside down to his lips to get every single drop. It's kind of sad though that they are so deprived like that. I always had to pat him on his back to burp him…imagine that with a 3 year old!! He still burps, but is getting better, I think it will just take time.
I'm so happy it was a great visit. I hope they continue this way…
Like Carolyn, I'm thinking about you all the time!
YES! Sounds like a great visit, albeit short. Sounds like he is much calmer with less commotion…completely normal for institutionalized kids. You see how important it is to keep things low key when you get home.
Nicholas still drinks like that, he sucks it all down unless I'm with him reminding him to slow down. And then he turns it upside down to his lips to get every single drop. It's kind of sad though that they are so deprived like that. I always had to pat him on his back to burp him…imagine that with a 3 year old!! He still burps, but is getting better, I think it will just take time.
I'm so happy it was a great visit. I hope they continue this way…
Like Carolyn, I'm thinking about you all the time!
YES! Sounds like a great visit, albeit short. Sounds like he is much calmer with less commotion…completely normal for institutionalized kids. You see how important it is to keep things low key when you get home.
Nicholas still drinks like that, he sucks it all down unless I'm with him reminding him to slow down. And then he turns it upside down to his lips to get every single drop. It's kind of sad though that they are so deprived like that. I always had to pat him on his back to burp him…imagine that with a 3 year old!! He still burps, but is getting better, I think it will just take time.
I'm so happy it was a great visit. I hope they continue this way…
Like Carolyn, I'm thinking about you all the time!
Shaslyk is shish-ka-bobs.. Very popular there, but not much different than if you ordered them here, at least not the ones I had.
Also, in regards to the biting and hitting. I know every odd behavior my son has, I always wonder if it is due to his time spent in the baby house. I can tell you that you will continue to ask yourself that for the rest of his life, I know I will.
He was one when adopted. Went into daycare full time at 1 1/2, At first he was the victim of daily biting from another child in his class. Then once that child left the center, my son became the biter in the class. We were on probation at one time since he had almost daily incidents.
I really think this is a normal behavior, not necessarily an institutionalization issue. You also have to remember that in his group at the BH, he has to fight for what he wants from the other children, whether it be toys, food, attention etc. Also until he can speak this is the only way he communicates. My son also bit me during visitation and the problem wasn't completely gone until he could communicate. I would suggest warning your girls so that they can dodge any attempts. But rest assured, it will most likely stop eventually.
Hope you continue in your bonding success. I would love to know the American name you picked for him. Please share when you are ready.
Amanda in Cleveland
mom to Bohdan, BH#3 07/05
Shaslyk is shish-ka-bobs.. Very popular there, but not much different than if you ordered them here, at least not the ones I had.
Also, in regards to the biting and hitting. I know every odd behavior my son has, I always wonder if it is due to his time spent in the baby house. I can tell you that you will continue to ask yourself that for the rest of his life, I know I will.
He was one when adopted. Went into daycare full time at 1 1/2, At first he was the victim of daily biting from another child in his class. Then once that child left the center, my son became the biter in the class. We were on probation at one time since he had almost daily incidents.
I really think this is a normal behavior, not necessarily an institutionalization issue. You also have to remember that in his group at the BH, he has to fight for what he wants from the other children, whether it be toys, food, attention etc. Also until he can speak this is the only way he communicates. My son also bit me during visitation and the problem wasn't completely gone until he could communicate. I would suggest warning your girls so that they can dodge any attempts. But rest assured, it will most likely stop eventually.
Hope you continue in your bonding success. I would love to know the American name you picked for him. Please share when you are ready.
Amanda in Cleveland
mom to Bohdan, BH#3 07/05
Shaslyk is shish-ka-bobs.. Very popular there, but not much different than if you ordered them here, at least not the ones I had.
Also, in regards to the biting and hitting. I know every odd behavior my son has, I always wonder if it is due to his time spent in the baby house. I can tell you that you will continue to ask yourself that for the rest of his life, I know I will.
He was one when adopted. Went into daycare full time at 1 1/2, At first he was the victim of daily biting from another child in his class. Then once that child left the center, my son became the biter in the class. We were on probation at one time since he had almost daily incidents.
I really think this is a normal behavior, not necessarily an institutionalization issue. You also have to remember that in his group at the BH, he has to fight for what he wants from the other children, whether it be toys, food, attention etc. Also until he can speak this is the only way he communicates. My son also bit me during visitation and the problem wasn't completely gone until he could communicate. I would suggest warning your girls so that they can dodge any attempts. But rest assured, it will most likely stop eventually.
Hope you continue in your bonding success. I would love to know the American name you picked for him. Please share when you are ready.
Amanda in Cleveland
mom to Bohdan, BH#3 07/05
Hi Stephanie- Your experience in adopting your son reminds me of mine so much. It sounds like you already have a lot of advice from moms, but if you ever want to email, I would be happy to share my experiences over the last four years. It's not my usual style to offer unsolicited advice, but for some reason I feel compelled to email you–maybe because I know that the things you are concerned about will be temporary and I wish I had understood that better during my bonding period. Also, you wrote a few entries back that your husband wondered if Batyran (sp?) would ever love you as much as he loved the caregivers. He will–and a thousand times more! Thanks for letting me follow along! Mishelle (mom to Bakha who had a 2 second attention span during our visits, who could not attend to a book as simple as "Goodnight Moon," who preferred the interpreter to me and who is now tops in her second grade class and a mama's girl all the way! So hang in there!) [email protected]
Hi Stephanie- Your experience in adopting your son reminds me of mine so much. It sounds like you already have a lot of advice from moms, but if you ever want to email, I would be happy to share my experiences over the last four years. It's not my usual style to offer unsolicited advice, but for some reason I feel compelled to email you–maybe because I know that the things you are concerned about will be temporary and I wish I had understood that better during my bonding period. Also, you wrote a few entries back that your husband wondered if Batyran (sp?) would ever love you as much as he loved the caregivers. He will–and a thousand times more! Thanks for letting me follow along! Mishelle (mom to Bakha who had a 2 second attention span during our visits, who could not attend to a book as simple as "Goodnight Moon," who preferred the interpreter to me and who is now tops in her second grade class and a mama's girl all the way! So hang in there!) [email protected]
Hi Stephanie- Your experience in adopting your son reminds me of mine so much. It sounds like you already have a lot of advice from moms, but if you ever want to email, I would be happy to share my experiences over the last four years. It's not my usual style to offer unsolicited advice, but for some reason I feel compelled to email you–maybe because I know that the things you are concerned about will be temporary and I wish I had understood that better during my bonding period. Also, you wrote a few entries back that your husband wondered if Batyran (sp?) would ever love you as much as he loved the caregivers. He will–and a thousand times more! Thanks for letting me follow along! Mishelle (mom to Bakha who had a 2 second attention span during our visits, who could not attend to a book as simple as "Goodnight Moon," who preferred the interpreter to me and who is now tops in her second grade class and a mama's girl all the way! So hang in there!) [email protected]
Steph ..have faith that you are building a strong foundation, slowly but surely! I can't agree more with the comments others have made. He is learning to trust. When you say he pushes away, that brings back so many memories and feelings I had with Lucas. It was hard to not take it personnally. When I look back at pictures of me holding him close, sometimes I can still remember feeling the distance from him at that time. However he did become the bigger 'mommys boy' of the two.
I am so happy you had such a great visit today. You are doing all the right things! As hard and emotional as this trip is..I just know it is truly in the best interest of the kids and family bonding. Slow and steady for future success!
Have a great time at the mountain, I hope that the weather cooperates and you have clear blue skies to take it all in from the top. The restaurant up there has great food and a vodka shot to warm you right up!
Enjoy..
Julie C.
Steph ..have faith that you are building a strong foundation, slowly but surely! I can't agree more with the comments others have made. He is learning to trust. When you say he pushes away, that brings back so many memories and feelings I had with Lucas. It was hard to not take it personnally. When I look back at pictures of me holding him close, sometimes I can still remember feeling the distance from him at that time. However he did become the bigger 'mommys boy' of the two.
I am so happy you had such a great visit today. You are doing all the right things! As hard and emotional as this trip is..I just know it is truly in the best interest of the kids and family bonding. Slow and steady for future success!
Have a great time at the mountain, I hope that the weather cooperates and you have clear blue skies to take it all in from the top. The restaurant up there has great food and a vodka shot to warm you right up!
Enjoy..
Julie C.
Steph ..have faith that you are building a strong foundation, slowly but surely! I can't agree more with the comments others have made. He is learning to trust. When you say he pushes away, that brings back so many memories and feelings I had with Lucas. It was hard to not take it personnally. When I look back at pictures of me holding him close, sometimes I can still remember feeling the distance from him at that time. However he did become the bigger 'mommys boy' of the two.
I am so happy you had such a great visit today. You are doing all the right things! As hard and emotional as this trip is..I just know it is truly in the best interest of the kids and family bonding. Slow and steady for future success!
Have a great time at the mountain, I hope that the weather cooperates and you have clear blue skies to take it all in from the top. The restaurant up there has great food and a vodka shot to warm you right up!
Enjoy..
Julie C.
Ps….I am so wanting to plan a little trip to the East in the summer to visit you, Carolyn, Lea, Amanda, Colene and others in the area.
I'll be praying I can make that happen! 🙂
J.
Ps….I am so wanting to plan a little trip to the East in the summer to visit you, Carolyn, Lea, Amanda, Colene and others in the area.
I'll be praying I can make that happen! 🙂
J.
Ps….I am so wanting to plan a little trip to the East in the summer to visit you, Carolyn, Lea, Amanda, Colene and others in the area.
I'll be praying I can make that happen! 🙂
J.
what a lovely post to read and wonderful video to see! he has such a warm voice! parenthood is filled with self-doubt under the best of circumstances. and you are not getting the quietest moments of the day- bathtime, naptime, bedtime with stories and snuggling first… those are the delicious times as well, and you will see what the term "momma's boy" is all about… chin up momma, sounds like you are all doing beautifully! the best is yet to come!
This sounds like a wonderful day indeed. So glad that things continue to move in such positive and wonderful directions. Hopefully you know that we will in fact not be there this coming week. We learned Wednesday that Nurai's passport would not be ready in time for us to arrive next week, then learned that in fact it had to be re-applied for and as a result of this and the upcoming holidays (Christmas, new Year's…) we should plan on coming back Almaty for the week of 11-16 Jan. So bummed to not cross our journey with your own.
This sounds like a wonderful day indeed. So glad that things continue to move in such positive and wonderful directions. Hopefully you know that we will in fact not be there this coming week. We learned Wednesday that Nurai's passport would not be ready in time for us to arrive next week, then learned that in fact it had to be re-applied for and as a result of this and the upcoming holidays (Christmas, new Year's…) we should plan on coming back Almaty for the week of 11-16 Jan. So bummed to not cross our journey with your own.
This sounds like a wonderful day indeed. So glad that things continue to move in such positive and wonderful directions. Hopefully you know that we will in fact not be there this coming week. We learned Wednesday that Nurai's passport would not be ready in time for us to arrive next week, then learned that in fact it had to be re-applied for and as a result of this and the upcoming holidays (Christmas, new Year's…) we should plan on coming back Almaty for the week of 11-16 Jan. So bummed to not cross our journey with your own.
Oh, we wanted to try that restaurant and did hear there was no one there to speak English, we never had the chance. I hope you enjoy your trip up to the mountains. We were able to 'hike' down to the stream.
Oh, we wanted to try that restaurant and did hear there was no one there to speak English, we never had the chance. I hope you enjoy your trip up to the mountains. We were able to 'hike' down to the stream.
Oh, we wanted to try that restaurant and did hear there was no one there to speak English, we never had the chance. I hope you enjoy your trip up to the mountains. We were able to 'hike' down to the stream.
great stuff here!! and that is one handsome little kazakh!!
we spent a day at the ski resort also, with dylan!
imagine- 6 months he never left the hospital then he comes home to the cottage with us, flies to almaty on a jet, goes to mad murphys and take a chairlift up a mountain all in 2 weeks!!
remember stickers steph!
great stuff here!! and that is one handsome little kazakh!!
we spent a day at the ski resort also, with dylan!
imagine- 6 months he never left the hospital then he comes home to the cottage with us, flies to almaty on a jet, goes to mad murphys and take a chairlift up a mountain all in 2 weeks!!
remember stickers steph!
great stuff here!! and that is one handsome little kazakh!!
we spent a day at the ski resort also, with dylan!
imagine- 6 months he never left the hospital then he comes home to the cottage with us, flies to almaty on a jet, goes to mad murphys and take a chairlift up a mountain all in 2 weeks!!
remember stickers steph!