It is 6:20 pm and we are back in our room to rest a bit before heading out to dinner for some real Beshbarmak. Today took the wind out of my sails a bit. The good news is how Batyrhan greeted us — he was brought to us in the music room by our translator, Bolot, and he squealed with delight. I wish I had the video camera out – I will have to record this tomorrow or the next day. He then fell to his knees and did the cutest waddling fastest crawl to Gary who scooped him up. Gary asked for a hug and I think he got one, sort of. I said “Give Mama a hug” and he came easily to me and allowed himself to be squeezed and kissed.
We were in the Music Room from a few days ago but there was a woman’s jacket in there when we arrived. Minutes later the music teacher walked in and in Russian or Kazakh was trying to tell us (it didn’t appear polite) that we needed to move to the other side of the room, behind the Christmas tree. If you saw my video from a few days ago, you will note that there is only about 5 feet behind the tree. To make a long story short, it was hard to keep Batyrhan in this area, even with chairs blocking his way. About ten minutes later, 9 little children, approximately age 3-5 walked in and began a music lesson, right in the middle of our visit with very loud music, piano playing and dancing. If they weren’t so adorable and their dancing so skilled (they were doing what appeared to be a traditional couples dance), I would have been crying instead of smiling at them. One little boy kept looking at us and smiling and in reference to Batyrhan said “Baby!” and then would giggle. This little boy, about 3 or 4, was missing one arm completely and his red sweater just swung empty and his other other was a short little arm with 3 fingers, his sweater folded up like a big cuff. Despite this physical challenge, he was engaging and smiley. There was a very pretty dark haired girl with a long braid and lots of barrettes. She looked to be the oldest of the group and looked at us also quite a bit and reminded me of Emma. Another cute petite little Asian girl kept happily smiling at us. Some of the children showed no reaction and looked like a lightbulb went out. The music was loud, the teacher singing and demonstrating the dance moves and calling out moves (they were practicing for a show of some kind) and Batyrhan was very interested in watching the dancing and there was no way to play. Additionally, a few times Gary would begin tickling Batyrhan and throwing him in the air and I would whisper to him to move behind the Christmas tree if you are going to do that, why should these poor children be witness to a lucky child bonding with a daddy? So we were either watching the children dance and sing or trying to hide our affection to Batyrhan to not make the other children feel bad and it was not a bonding time at all — it was just a time to contain him and not allow him to run into the lesson since this music teacher is his teacher as well.
After 30 minutes Bolot finally got the go ahead for us to go into another room, the play room from yesterday. We were there just a few minutes when a women came in and started using the sewing machine to sew curtains. “Jutjutjutjutjut” went the sewing machine and there went Batyrhan’s attention again. Puffs can only do so much. 
About ten minutes after this, some women came in with large bags of fabric and velour to place in the room in one of the locked doors. Because they didn’t want Batyrhan to get cold when they opened up this attic-like storage room, they asked us to leave yet again to go into the next room which seemed to be an office and little play area. Once in there, Batyrhan was very restless and accidentally opened up the Puffs and dumped them all over the carpet. Then he almost knocked a mirror off a wall while we were looking into it. Then we finally went back into the music room where the sewer was still sewing and making a whizzing sound and our translator’s cell phone was still ringing and where the Puffs no longer seemed to have any allure.
Another caregiver entered the room and played with Batyrhan and picked him up.
After this time, I felt myself to be mentally removed and had to force my head back in the game. I was hot and sweaty and exasperated with all the changes and was almost willing the clock to move closer to 6 pm. I felt bad to wish away my time with Batyrhan but it was so unsatisfying and not so enjoyable to me. We are constantly watched, we are trying to direct the attention and discipline a little boy who doesn’t know our language and I feel not doing my job properly. I barely got any eye contact from Batyrhan today, he was too busy running around and not happy being contained wherever we were. Daddy always manages to get the big smiles thankfully because he throws Batyrhan up in the air. Once again today, with Batyrhan sitting on my lap facing away from me, I was able to sing about 4 children’s songs in a row before he grunted to move away from me. 
Books were not as interesting today either. It was too wet and snowy to go outside as we assumed he would just throw himself on the slush but maybe we should try it again tomorrow.
It is important for me to be honest here and I will continue to do so once I get home because I want my experiences to help others. I do also feel that once at home and in our own routine things will be enormously easier to manage and the love will grow from there.
In general, I feel a little unhappy today and it started from the morning, I think I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or maybe it’s a bit of homesickness catching up with me. So much so that we just decided to eat candy and not even go to dinner tonight. Tomorrow is a new day.
In other news, we found out today that we have to pick Batyrhan’s American name TONIGHT. I may be losing a battle here, but maybe Gary deserves his favorite choice after all.
PHotos to be added later.
Oh my – I'm sure that the group of 3-5 year olds doing the music/dancing was our daughter's group! (smiley tears!) That music teacher is a piece of work, if I'm thinking of the same one! (I'll email you what I'm thinking).
We had exactly the same experience of people constantly walking through our visits – don't be fooled they are definitely 'checking you out'!
🙂 It's nice to know they are wanting to make sure the child is having a good visit and starting to bond with you, shows how much they care about the children (and they do!) But of course it is distracting for him and for you!
You have great ideas for bonding and establishing who is 'Mama' when you get custody – we did all the same things and our daughter was over 3 years old- don't worry about 'babying' – they need it and love it!
Take care and I'll email again soon!
Nicole
Oh my – I'm sure that the group of 3-5 year olds doing the music/dancing was our daughter's group! (smiley tears!) That music teacher is a piece of work, if I'm thinking of the same one! (I'll email you what I'm thinking).
We had exactly the same experience of people constantly walking through our visits – don't be fooled they are definitely 'checking you out'!
🙂 It's nice to know they are wanting to make sure the child is having a good visit and starting to bond with you, shows how much they care about the children (and they do!) But of course it is distracting for him and for you!
You have great ideas for bonding and establishing who is 'Mama' when you get custody – we did all the same things and our daughter was over 3 years old- don't worry about 'babying' – they need it and love it!
Take care and I'll email again soon!
Nicole
Oh my – I'm sure that the group of 3-5 year olds doing the music/dancing was our daughter's group! (smiley tears!) That music teacher is a piece of work, if I'm thinking of the same one! (I'll email you what I'm thinking).
We had exactly the same experience of people constantly walking through our visits – don't be fooled they are definitely 'checking you out'!
🙂 It's nice to know they are wanting to make sure the child is having a good visit and starting to bond with you, shows how much they care about the children (and they do!) But of course it is distracting for him and for you!
You have great ideas for bonding and establishing who is 'Mama' when you get custody – we did all the same things and our daughter was over 3 years old- don't worry about 'babying' – they need it and love it!
Take care and I'll email again soon!
Nicole
I am sorry about your hard time. But when you get home it will all fall into place. You also have to learn him, :-)) I think his name fits him PERFECT!You know what I mean :-))
I am sorry about your hard time. But when you get home it will all fall into place. You also have to learn him, :-)) I think his name fits him PERFECT!You know what I mean :-))
I am sorry about your hard time. But when you get home it will all fall into place. You also have to learn him, :-)) I think his name fits him PERFECT!You know what I mean :-))
I agree with Stacy, and I can't help but grin at your statement!
I'm sorry you had such a rotten time. When we had those days, I'd tell myself, "This is only 2 hours of one day. I have sooooo many days and hours left, 2 is less than a mere drop in the bucket."
I don't say that to minimize at all! It's tough. It's really hard when you so desperately want to use the precious time you've been given in the best way possible.
We're cheering you on Steph!
I agree with Stacy, and I can't help but grin at your statement!
I'm sorry you had such a rotten time. When we had those days, I'd tell myself, "This is only 2 hours of one day. I have sooooo many days and hours left, 2 is less than a mere drop in the bucket."
I don't say that to minimize at all! It's tough. It's really hard when you so desperately want to use the precious time you've been given in the best way possible.
We're cheering you on Steph!
I agree with Stacy, and I can't help but grin at your statement!
I'm sorry you had such a rotten time. When we had those days, I'd tell myself, "This is only 2 hours of one day. I have sooooo many days and hours left, 2 is less than a mere drop in the bucket."
I don't say that to minimize at all! It's tough. It's really hard when you so desperately want to use the precious time you've been given in the best way possible.
We're cheering you on Steph!
We also had rough days with our visits. I was trying to stay on our tiny "blankets" and keep Cody contained as well. Not wanted to do anything wrong. We were often so sweaty and stressed when wanted to enjoy every minute. Its a difficult balance. I was sure I could teach him to walk if I would have had the right shoes (or bare feet – or even just one pair of socks)and the ability to crawl around the room with him – or let him crawl on more than the 3×3 blanket. I just decided – when we get home it will happen. I can't wait to give him so much freedom. I will have to work on not overstimulating him with too many toys etc. as we will all be so excited to show him everything we've been saving! Since we were shown 10-15 kids and seeing the ones in his group I know what you mean. It can be shocking and sad. They do their best to care for them but I wish they all could have families. Lately, certain little faces keep entering my mind – what will their life be – how could we have helped them? I don't know it is all a terribly, wonderful situation that my heart will never forget.
You are doing great! The days will pass and soon you'll be home and back to normal – for a while anyway!
Thinking of you so much!
Julie
We also had rough days with our visits. I was trying to stay on our tiny "blankets" and keep Cody contained as well. Not wanted to do anything wrong. We were often so sweaty and stressed when wanted to enjoy every minute. Its a difficult balance. I was sure I could teach him to walk if I would have had the right shoes (or bare feet – or even just one pair of socks)and the ability to crawl around the room with him – or let him crawl on more than the 3×3 blanket. I just decided – when we get home it will happen. I can't wait to give him so much freedom. I will have to work on not overstimulating him with too many toys etc. as we will all be so excited to show him everything we've been saving! Since we were shown 10-15 kids and seeing the ones in his group I know what you mean. It can be shocking and sad. They do their best to care for them but I wish they all could have families. Lately, certain little faces keep entering my mind – what will their life be – how could we have helped them? I don't know it is all a terribly, wonderful situation that my heart will never forget.
You are doing great! The days will pass and soon you'll be home and back to normal – for a while anyway!
Thinking of you so much!
Julie
We also had rough days with our visits. I was trying to stay on our tiny "blankets" and keep Cody contained as well. Not wanted to do anything wrong. We were often so sweaty and stressed when wanted to enjoy every minute. Its a difficult balance. I was sure I could teach him to walk if I would have had the right shoes (or bare feet – or even just one pair of socks)and the ability to crawl around the room with him – or let him crawl on more than the 3×3 blanket. I just decided – when we get home it will happen. I can't wait to give him so much freedom. I will have to work on not overstimulating him with too many toys etc. as we will all be so excited to show him everything we've been saving! Since we were shown 10-15 kids and seeing the ones in his group I know what you mean. It can be shocking and sad. They do their best to care for them but I wish they all could have families. Lately, certain little faces keep entering my mind – what will their life be – how could we have helped them? I don't know it is all a terribly, wonderful situation that my heart will never forget.
You are doing great! The days will pass and soon you'll be home and back to normal – for a while anyway!
Thinking of you so much!
Julie
Hi there, we adopted a 2 year old girl from Karaganda this summer, and live in Cincinnati (we found your blog through Julie & Cody). I appreciate the honesty in your blog, because I had read some oh-so-rosy ones that then made me worry when I didn't feel that way every day. Some of the visits were hard, and I worried too re: enough eye contact. I also worried that our little girl, Valeria, seemed to like our interpreter so much more than us! Reading your blog today, I just felt compelled to tell you a few things. 1. Don't worry re: bonding now or getting enough eye contact now… you have the rest of your lives once you get home! I didn't even feel as attached to Lera as you do to your little guy, and 6 months later we are completely "attached & bonded." 2. The fact that your son has a close relationship with his caregiver really bodes well..it means he CAN attach. So don't burn calories worrying about that – I worried far too much, for naught. 3. With Lera being 2 also, I worried re: leaving her, but she was fine. Our caregivers taped our picture to her head board and showed it to her each day. And your idea re the song is great – that worked for us too! All the best to you!!! Your son is just gorgeous. And thank again for your honesty, it is a service to future adoptive parents! – Alison in Ohio – our blog is http://littlebittyhickeyblog.blogspot.com if you want to check it out!
Hi there, we adopted a 2 year old girl from Karaganda this summer, and live in Cincinnati (we found your blog through Julie & Cody). I appreciate the honesty in your blog, because I had read some oh-so-rosy ones that then made me worry when I didn't feel that way every day. Some of the visits were hard, and I worried too re: enough eye contact. I also worried that our little girl, Valeria, seemed to like our interpreter so much more than us! Reading your blog today, I just felt compelled to tell you a few things. 1. Don't worry re: bonding now or getting enough eye contact now… you have the rest of your lives once you get home! I didn't even feel as attached to Lera as you do to your little guy, and 6 months later we are completely "attached & bonded." 2. The fact that your son has a close relationship with his caregiver really bodes well..it means he CAN attach. So don't burn calories worrying about that – I worried far too much, for naught. 3. With Lera being 2 also, I worried re: leaving her, but she was fine. Our caregivers taped our picture to her head board and showed it to her each day. And your idea re the song is great – that worked for us too! All the best to you!!! Your son is just gorgeous. And thank again for your honesty, it is a service to future adoptive parents! – Alison in Ohio – our blog is http://littlebittyhickeyblog.blogspot.com if you want to check it out!
Hi there, we adopted a 2 year old girl from Karaganda this summer, and live in Cincinnati (we found your blog through Julie & Cody). I appreciate the honesty in your blog, because I had read some oh-so-rosy ones that then made me worry when I didn't feel that way every day. Some of the visits were hard, and I worried too re: enough eye contact. I also worried that our little girl, Valeria, seemed to like our interpreter so much more than us! Reading your blog today, I just felt compelled to tell you a few things. 1. Don't worry re: bonding now or getting enough eye contact now… you have the rest of your lives once you get home! I didn't even feel as attached to Lera as you do to your little guy, and 6 months later we are completely "attached & bonded." 2. The fact that your son has a close relationship with his caregiver really bodes well..it means he CAN attach. So don't burn calories worrying about that – I worried far too much, for naught. 3. With Lera being 2 also, I worried re: leaving her, but she was fine. Our caregivers taped our picture to her head board and showed it to her each day. And your idea re the song is great – that worked for us too! All the best to you!!! Your son is just gorgeous. And thank again for your honesty, it is a service to future adoptive parents! – Alison in Ohio – our blog is http://littlebittyhickeyblog.blogspot.com if you want to check it out!
Don't feel guilty for having a frustrating day or three! There is a lot being asked of you, and the environment is so difficult, plus all the other stress factors. I hope things get more settled and pleasant soon!
I've been reading through your last few posts and wanted to touch on a few things. First, about the biting and mouthing. Milo was also a very oral child, just as you describe B to be. He still is, although it's mountains better. We bought him a Chewy Tube last year. There are several colors/styles, but the green one was recommended by our OT and he likes it. We bought a few. I keep one in my purse at all times and whenever he is in a stressful situation (i.e. a room full of new people) or just especially needing sensory input I give it to him. He gnaws the heck out of it.
Milo also was very active and easily distracted, as well as quickly overstimulated. This kind of restlessness and disorganization is not uncommon with kiddos coming from an institution. And boys are way more active (usually) than girls anyway! It very well could stem from sensory deprivation along with the lack of deep attachment. Plus, they are a little like wild horses in that environment. It's going to be a process to teach him to be more civilized and not so self-defensive. It's survival for them. But this is all stuff that will get better, especially once you are home, so don't fret too much about it.
Ok, I didn't mean to write a book here, but just wanted to share with you that I'm nodding my head here and wanting you to know that we went through similar behaviors with Milo. You are doing all the right things! All you can do is take it day by day.
Oh, and now you have me wondering about his name! I can't wait to hear about it!!!
Much love and good vibes sent your way!
Don't feel guilty for having a frustrating day or three! There is a lot being asked of you, and the environment is so difficult, plus all the other stress factors. I hope things get more settled and pleasant soon!
I've been reading through your last few posts and wanted to touch on a few things. First, about the biting and mouthing. Milo was also a very oral child, just as you describe B to be. He still is, although it's mountains better. We bought him a Chewy Tube last year. There are several colors/styles, but the green one was recommended by our OT and he likes it. We bought a few. I keep one in my purse at all times and whenever he is in a stressful situation (i.e. a room full of new people) or just especially needing sensory input I give it to him. He gnaws the heck out of it.
Milo also was very active and easily distracted, as well as quickly overstimulated. This kind of restlessness and disorganization is not uncommon with kiddos coming from an institution. And boys are way more active (usually) than girls anyway! It very well could stem from sensory deprivation along with the lack of deep attachment. Plus, they are a little like wild horses in that environment. It's going to be a process to teach him to be more civilized and not so self-defensive. It's survival for them. But this is all stuff that will get better, especially once you are home, so don't fret too much about it.
Ok, I didn't mean to write a book here, but just wanted to share with you that I'm nodding my head here and wanting you to know that we went through similar behaviors with Milo. You are doing all the right things! All you can do is take it day by day.
Oh, and now you have me wondering about his name! I can't wait to hear about it!!!
Much love and good vibes sent your way!
You are doing great! You are such a good blogger, and you are so honest about how it really is over there. Keep up the good work. Regina is right on with her comments, too.
You are doing great! You are such a good blogger, and you are so honest about how it really is over there. Keep up the good work. Regina is right on with her comments, too.
You are doing great! You are such a good blogger, and you are so honest about how it really is over there. Keep up the good work. Regina is right on with her comments, too.
Don't worry, I had days exactly like that. It gets better (and sometimes worse 😉 ) when you get home! It's all so worth it in the end!
Don't worry, I had days exactly like that. It gets better (and sometimes worse 😉 ) when you get home! It's all so worth it in the end!
Don't worry, I had days exactly like that. It gets better (and sometimes worse 😉 ) when you get home! It's all so worth it in the end!