Trust grows with each brick laid.
Today was the best day yet and now I can honestly say that it is breaking my heart to leave. I didn’t take many photos at all today but what transpired was felt within Gary’s and my heart intensely. I saw the future and the future looked bright.
A couple of caregivers passed through our music room and engaged with Batyrhan. Batyrhan was climbing on ledges and chairs and piano stools. He whined a bit and threw toys. There were times he didn’t want me to hold him and times he lifted his arms for me. He pulled some toys off shelves. Stickers were eaten. Stickers on my nose were laughed at. Bolat’s cell phones were enticing to Batyrhan. Candy was eaten, juice was spilled, there were tears. Typical boy stuff, yes. And, finally I now see that it all felt normal. There was the beginning of something else beneath the surface of everything that was boyish and typically toddler. Beautiful and long awaited, Batyrhan finally appeared to trust us.
I can’t describe the events of today because it doesn’t make a difference, all these little things. It was a feeling. Batyrhan required help and he came to us. He knows he drinks water on my lap so when he found the water bottle, he turned backwards and plopped on my lap. He knows already when Gary says “I’m gonna getcha!” and his giggles show that he anticipates the ‘grab, tickle and lift.’ He loves to build and played with blocks and shows when he needs help. He listens to our English commands when we ask for him to “give Mama” or “give Daddy” something. Whereas on Day 1 he was very adamant that I not touch his skin underneath his shirt (he gave me forceful shoves), today he allowed me to tickle his back high up his shirt while he laid on my lap and he even giggled a few times. He plays with Bolat and even went easily to Tatiana when she visited us, but always, he comes back to Mom and Dad.
Towards the end of the visit, he was frustrated with being told “jok”(no) about climbing behind the piano and seemed to be getting tired. After dropping to the floor in sadness and burying his head in the ground in a sort of “downward dog” pose, he cried real sad tears. The first I have heard since Day 1. His cry was heartbreaking and he allowed himself to be picked up by me and consoled. For minutes as he continued crying, he did not push away from me and my holding him and my gentle murmurs and mothering touch. Even when Gary tried to take him from me to distract him with a toy, he stayed put and looked at me crying. I smelled his little breath and it was fine and pleasant and all my own. Finally, he stopped and went to Gary to play.
When it came time for Bolat to take him back to his group, Batyrhan grabbed for my hand and Gary’s and walked us toward the door, like the way we have walked together outside in the snow as a family of three. He seemed reluctant as we walked towards the door, knowing. I bent down to give him a hug and multiple kisses on his cheeks and then he went to Gary for a hug and kiss. And then, unprovoked, he came back to me for more hugs and kisses and then back to Gary again and took our hands again. We could not walk him back to his group so Bolat picked him up and Batyrhan kept waving to us and maintaining eye contact with both of us in the darkness of the hallway. Even Bolat said “I see him pass from caregiver to caregiver without a problem, but today I saw that he did not want to leave you.”
Tonight I feel sadness in my heart that tomorrow is the last day I will see him for about a month. Just when progress was being made, there will be a halt. I will miss him very much and wish he could understand we are coming back. I see the reason for his biting — two more teeth on the bottom are coming in and I will not be here to see them grow. I made photos of us and enlarged them to the size of magazine pages and the caregivers will tape them near his bed. Yes, it’s a bed and I had no idea.
Our little boy sleeps in a bed, not a crib like I had thought. I was not able to go personally today to see where he sleeps but Bolat took some photos for me and some video too.
Photo of me, Batyrhan and Tatiana right before she was leaving for America. 
Batyrhan enjoys Bolat very much and here they enjoy some candy together, a gift for a sweet New Year from Tatiana.
And here is our family photo from today. Not perfect because Batyrhan is not looking at the camera, but the fact that he is facing into his Daddy says a lot about the comfort level that is growing … brick by brick.
Bittersweet feelings emerge from both me and Gary tonight as we figure out what toys will be left behind, what souvenirs will be brought home for our girls, what restaurant meal will be our final one tomorrow and we prepare our camera and video batteries for our final visit with Batyrhan tomorrow morning for a long long time.
Thinking of you on your last day!!
I'm hoping you get a quick court date – maybe we can all go to Almaty together!
Julie
Thinking of you on your last day!!
I'm hoping you get a quick court date – maybe we can all go to Almaty together!
Julie
Thinking of you on your last day!!
I'm hoping you get a quick court date – maybe we can all go to Almaty together!
Julie
Oh my stephie! you know i am not much of a blogger..lol
but i must say your diary of events have really been so inspiring. i miss you all and cannot wait to see you, but i keep thinking how difficult it will be to leave your new boy behind, even though it will just be for a month. you always amaze me with how well you are able to document important events in your life…with beautiful images, words and video…when most of us would be overwhelmed with just wrapping our heads around the day to day activities of meeting your son, you still manage to invite all of us in it while you are on your journey!
bravo!
anyway, i am so happy to see the trust being built as you said, brick by brick… you are building a strong foundation for him
i also want to comment on how lovely it seems his caregivers take care of him and the other children.
i suppose i had a different view on where he may have been living, etc…and i really see the love they all give him and the love he gives to them…
i am sure that he will be a well adjusted child in america with all that good care!
xx
safe trip home
Oh my stephie! you know i am not much of a blogger..lol
but i must say your diary of events have really been so inspiring. i miss you all and cannot wait to see you, but i keep thinking how difficult it will be to leave your new boy behind, even though it will just be for a month. you always amaze me with how well you are able to document important events in your life…with beautiful images, words and video…when most of us would be overwhelmed with just wrapping our heads around the day to day activities of meeting your son, you still manage to invite all of us in it while you are on your journey!
bravo!
anyway, i am so happy to see the trust being built as you said, brick by brick… you are building a strong foundation for him
i also want to comment on how lovely it seems his caregivers take care of him and the other children.
i suppose i had a different view on where he may have been living, etc…and i really see the love they all give him and the love he gives to them…
i am sure that he will be a well adjusted child in america with all that good care!
xx
safe trip home
I am so happy to see he gets more and more attached day by day and for sure, his love will blossom when he will come home. All the pictures are so adorable, I think he will fit extremely well in your family and he will have a good adjustment. I am sure is not going to be easy, the roller coaster is not yet over :). But the results will be so rewarding.
The pictures remind me so much of our trip, the one with the bedroom brought me tears…
I wish you a safe trip home and a quick court date.
Love,
C
I am so happy to see he gets more and more attached day by day and for sure, his love will blossom when he will come home. All the pictures are so adorable, I think he will fit extremely well in your family and he will have a good adjustment. I am sure is not going to be easy, the roller coaster is not yet over :). But the results will be so rewarding.
The pictures remind me so much of our trip, the one with the bedroom brought me tears…
I wish you a safe trip home and a quick court date.
Love,
C
I am so happy to see he gets more and more attached day by day and for sure, his love will blossom when he will come home. All the pictures are so adorable, I think he will fit extremely well in your family and he will have a good adjustment. I am sure is not going to be easy, the roller coaster is not yet over :). But the results will be so rewarding.
The pictures remind me so much of our trip, the one with the bedroom brought me tears…
I wish you a safe trip home and a quick court date.
Love,
C
Hi – great pictures and how wonderful for you that you've formed an emotional bond! We had one very 'weepy' visit with our daughter and our translator told us how good it was that she was comfortable enough to cry, and let us comfort her. We too left pictures and messages for our daughter when we had to leave after the bonding period – the caregivers were wonderful about putting the pictures on her bed, and talking to her about us while we were away, reassuring her that we were coming back. If any of your team (translators, etc) will be at the BH while you're away, ask if someone can take photos of him to email to you? We had a few pics sent to us and it was amazing!
Wishing you a fantastic last-for-now visit, with lots of kisses and hugs to tide him and you over until you return to hold him in your arms. Have a safe trip home!
Take care,
Nicole
Hi – great pictures and how wonderful for you that you've formed an emotional bond! We had one very 'weepy' visit with our daughter and our translator told us how good it was that she was comfortable enough to cry, and let us comfort her. We too left pictures and messages for our daughter when we had to leave after the bonding period – the caregivers were wonderful about putting the pictures on her bed, and talking to her about us while we were away, reassuring her that we were coming back. If any of your team (translators, etc) will be at the BH while you're away, ask if someone can take photos of him to email to you? We had a few pics sent to us and it was amazing!
Wishing you a fantastic last-for-now visit, with lots of kisses and hugs to tide him and you over until you return to hold him in your arms. Have a safe trip home!
Take care,
Nicole
Hi – great pictures and how wonderful for you that you've formed an emotional bond! We had one very 'weepy' visit with our daughter and our translator told us how good it was that she was comfortable enough to cry, and let us comfort her. We too left pictures and messages for our daughter when we had to leave after the bonding period – the caregivers were wonderful about putting the pictures on her bed, and talking to her about us while we were away, reassuring her that we were coming back. If any of your team (translators, etc) will be at the BH while you're away, ask if someone can take photos of him to email to you? We had a few pics sent to us and it was amazing!
Wishing you a fantastic last-for-now visit, with lots of kisses and hugs to tide him and you over until you return to hold him in your arms. Have a safe trip home!
Take care,
Nicole
What a beautiful post. Really heart warming!
What a beautiful post. Really heart warming!
What a beautiful post. Really heart warming!
You have kept an amazing journal of your bonding journey. I didn't have a chance to comment on previous posts, but we went through many similar things, including our son wanting to only go to 'papa' during bonding. This changed when we came home. But now that we have been home almost 2 years and he is almost 5, he wants 'Daddy' more 🙂
The posts of the beds made me cry, quite frankly. Memories of what our kids lives were like before we entered them.
I cannot believe your bonding period is over. Nothing that is said will ease the pain of leaving before court – the six weeks we were gone were the hardest – but court will come. You will return. It will not take long for him to come to you again when you return. 2010 will see you with your son at home!!! God bless & safe travels. Thank you for letting us be on this journey with you in spirit. -Julie Woods
You have kept an amazing journal of your bonding journey. I didn't have a chance to comment on previous posts, but we went through many similar things, including our son wanting to only go to 'papa' during bonding. This changed when we came home. But now that we have been home almost 2 years and he is almost 5, he wants 'Daddy' more 🙂
The posts of the beds made me cry, quite frankly. Memories of what our kids lives were like before we entered them.
I cannot believe your bonding period is over. Nothing that is said will ease the pain of leaving before court – the six weeks we were gone were the hardest – but court will come. You will return. It will not take long for him to come to you again when you return. 2010 will see you with your son at home!!! God bless & safe travels. Thank you for letting us be on this journey with you in spirit. -Julie Woods
You have kept an amazing journal of your bonding journey. I didn't have a chance to comment on previous posts, but we went through many similar things, including our son wanting to only go to 'papa' during bonding. This changed when we came home. But now that we have been home almost 2 years and he is almost 5, he wants 'Daddy' more 🙂
The posts of the beds made me cry, quite frankly. Memories of what our kids lives were like before we entered them.
I cannot believe your bonding period is over. Nothing that is said will ease the pain of leaving before court – the six weeks we were gone were the hardest – but court will come. You will return. It will not take long for him to come to you again when you return. 2010 will see you with your son at home!!! God bless & safe travels. Thank you for letting us be on this journey with you in spirit. -Julie Woods
Ooops, I guess I meant it might be 1 step back, 2 steps forward…although sometimes it might seem like it's 2 steps back…anyway, I think you get the idea. Adjusting to a new life takes time…a lot of time!
Ooops, I guess I meant it might be 1 step back, 2 steps forward…although sometimes it might seem like it's 2 steps back…anyway, I think you get the idea. Adjusting to a new life takes time…a lot of time!
What a great post! It's such a bittersweet time for you, try to remember these feelings you are having. When you go for your next trip, it will be like 2 steps back, 1 step forward. It will be hard to be away from him, but at least you will have the girls to keep you busy.
Some kids really like the 'Kinder' eggs, they are chocolate with a toy inside, cheap gifts for the girls' friends…
Time sure flies, I can't believe you are already heading home so soon…
What a great post! It's such a bittersweet time for you, try to remember these feelings you are having. When you go for your next trip, it will be like 2 steps back, 1 step forward. It will be hard to be away from him, but at least you will have the girls to keep you busy.
Some kids really like the 'Kinder' eggs, they are chocolate with a toy inside, cheap gifts for the girls' friends…
Time sure flies, I can't believe you are already heading home so soon…
What a great post! It's such a bittersweet time for you, try to remember these feelings you are having. When you go for your next trip, it will be like 2 steps back, 1 step forward. It will be hard to be away from him, but at least you will have the girls to keep you busy.
Some kids really like the 'Kinder' eggs, they are chocolate with a toy inside, cheap gifts for the girls' friends…
Time sure flies, I can't believe you are already heading home so soon…
How touching. I am so sorry for you and your husband to have to leave your sweet boy. I do wish Kaz would do something different. It can't be good for our sweet little ones to bond with us and then not see us for a month. My heart goes out to you.
The pictures are beautiful. Your son is just precious. Many blessings!
How touching. I am so sorry for you and your husband to have to leave your sweet boy. I do wish Kaz would do something different. It can't be good for our sweet little ones to bond with us and then not see us for a month. My heart goes out to you.
The pictures are beautiful. Your son is just precious. Many blessings!
How touching. I am so sorry for you and your husband to have to leave your sweet boy. I do wish Kaz would do something different. It can't be good for our sweet little ones to bond with us and then not see us for a month. My heart goes out to you.
The pictures are beautiful. Your son is just precious. Many blessings!
What a sweet post. I remember feeling exactly the way you do when we had to leave Hannah behind. It was one of the most difficult things that I have ever done. Enjoy your last day together and I hope that you have a very peaceful and uneventful trip back to the states.
Regina
What a sweet post. I remember feeling exactly the way you do when we had to leave Hannah behind. It was one of the most difficult things that I have ever done. Enjoy your last day together and I hope that you have a very peaceful and uneventful trip back to the states.
Regina
What a sweet post. I remember feeling exactly the way you do when we had to leave Hannah behind. It was one of the most difficult things that I have ever done. Enjoy your last day together and I hope that you have a very peaceful and uneventful trip back to the states.
Regina
Beautiful and heartbreaking.
Beautiful and heartbreaking.
Beautiful post! A time for you to remember, to close your eyes, and simply say "yes".
Beautiful post! A time for you to remember, to close your eyes, and simply say "yes".
Beautiful post! A time for you to remember, to close your eyes, and simply say "yes".