Fleece Freak-Out and Planning For Privacy

Posted on by Stephanie Karp

Last night, I had an anxiety attack of the variety where I told Gary I could not put the kids to bed, it was imperative that I run to the mall and shop for fleece. Yes, that is right. I came home with more bags of fleece things than a girl going to Kazakhstan could ever want or need to brave the cold winters there. Here is a photo of just some of the fleece that will be traveling to Kazakhstan with us. Why not make it even more fun by guessing how many times you will be seeing these items in our photos? 😉

I guess I was shopping to allay some fears that are underlying, for certainly when one is in a dressing room trying on fleece and sweating to death, one does not think of other things except said sweat. I believe I personally have what I need (I have already preselected the 4 pairs of pants I will take) and I just want to get Eden a warmer winter jacket and a better fleece (yup) lined hat. I told Gary please make his own list because the list of to-dos that I alone have to do to care for the preparation of me, Emma and Eden is huge. Fleece seems like an inane thing to focus on when dealing with such a big excitement, but I am happy to say I honestly got a few check marks off of my To Do list last night. And when I returned after my retail therapy, I did feel a bit more calm. I also put aside 4 books that I will take on the trip. I hope that is enough as surely with only Kazakh television channels to choose from, I will do a lot of reading. It’s easier to focus on packing lists and things like that as the reality of meeting a child who will become my son is too huge sometimes for me to wrap my head around. The time is here. How did I get here? And am I in a dream? By putting one foot in front of the other each day and by always doing the next indicated thing. Each step led me closer and closer to these moments. I sure hope I can calm down the day I meet him enough to be “PRESENT” — fully, emotionally, present to remember this moment, push past the jet lag, and feel a sense of relief when they hand him to me just like the dream I keep having of a woman in white handing over a child with a round face and big cheeks. Yes, little one, it was just you I was waiting for. A reunion of sorts. Not meeting someone unknown, but very much known in my heart of hearts.

As I prepare to leave in about 4 weeks or so, I also must think about Privacy issues so at this time I would love to say hello to those who read my blog and find out who might want to follow along on my journey. I feel bad in a way going private because I don’t want someone who is in my very same boots who is still sitting on the fence to bypass my story. I want to be there for others the way countless families have been there for me. I want to help someone else by inspiring them to start or complete a family through adoption — for themselves and for the sake of all the orphans in the world who wait without a mom to tuck them in at night. Of the countless things I pray for lately (from a girl who used to worry that she had no faith) I also pray that one day my story can and will enable someone to move from their own fears and anxious thoughts to see the bigger picture, to take the chance to make adoption a beautiful and most cherished part of their lives.

I’ll leave this post up for a while I think unless anything new comes, but I would love to see who would like to follow along. For those who don’t have experience with a private blog, it is important for me as I’m living life out there in Kaz bonding with a new child and all that comes along with that for my whole life to not be visible to people I don’t know or know of. If you have been a constant blog reader, then you have surely been my friend, so please just announce yourself and provide your email address on the comment section for this post. For those who don’t have a google account and have trouble with comments, please simply sign on as Anonymous and then don’t forget to include your name and email address so I can add you to the list of those who can read this future private blog. I think I’ll attempt to go private in the first week of November, at which point, if you haven’t given my your email address, you will not be able to read Our Journey to 5 (but of course I’ll gladly add you at any time.). And surely, it’s just about to get really really exciting.

I remember when I first got engaged, I didn’t go into work like many people might do and shove my ringed hand in front of people and say “I’m getting married!” I did nothing of the sort, I just went about my business until a friend said “Stephanie, is that a RING on your finger! My G-d, girl, why didn’t you say anything!??” Granted, my friends at home all knew because I’m great at talking individually to one person. It’s the group thing that gets me when it’s about myself. Talking in front of a large crowd for work or being interviewed on TV about stuff, that I actually always relished. So there is a ‘ham’ that lives inside this person who is loathe to make big announcements. I think by now many have gathered that I do keep things in (though I feel open on this blog format in general) but in life, I’m not a ‘look at me’ type of person. I don’t know too many of the parents yet at Eden’s school and don’t even know how to say to them anything about the adoption (it always seems to be large group conversations that are going on when I arrive) and my feeling is that one day they just won’t see me there. And then they’ll see me weeks later with a boy in an Ergo carrier and they’ll say “Who’s this?” and then “Whhhyyyyy didn’t you tell us??!!” Similarly, I have said nothing on Facebook to more distant or old friends yet. Since these people are not in my daily life, they don’t know my normal conversations about it and I’m wondering at this point what kind of status report just to alert people. I’m uncomfortable with this stuff in a way! I don’t know why. Facebook is the perfect place to keep people up to date on your life and this is the Status Report of Status Reports and it’s like a huuuuuge “Look at me!!!!!” It can’t be any different than announcing a pregnancy on FB and those were always met with joy. Perhaps I’m just not in the mood to answer questions, which I know will come. Does that mean I’ll have to post a Facebook “Note”? 😉 But this is all good stuff. Talking about it is great. It’s a boon to adoption in general, to children all over, to one person taking a chance, an inspiration to others to do the same or just be educated about it. Simply put, it’s the Karp family’s happy news about a new family member, a lovely little boy whose addition will make Emma and Eden the big sisters they so desire to be, and it therefore deserves mention as all good and wonderful things do. So what is my problem now, after so long keeping it in from the kids and others, that I can’t just say “The Karp family proudly announces that we’ll soon be a family of 5 through the blessing of international adoption. Stay tuned!” For surely, I will post photos there. You know what, that actually sounded pretty good!! I guess that is a great and simple way to put it. Anyway, just some musings of more inane things. Should file this mini-freak out next to Fleece Freak Out as “How to Expertly Worry about Facebook Status Adoption Announcements to Avoid Thinking about Packing Lists and the Precious Boy Who Waits.”
Thank you, dear friends and blog readers. Your constant listening ear always does wonders for me. What would I do without you?

Most likely, spontaneously combust.

103 thoughts on “Fleece Freak-Out and Planning For Privacy”

  4. Hi there,

    We'd love to continue following. We adopted our son Max from Ust in June, 2008, and our dossier for our second Kaz adoption is sitting at the Embassy.

    Wishing you the best, and fleece is ALWAYS a good thing! 🙂

    Karen.
    golfercincinnati @ yahoo . com

  5. Hi there,

    We'd love to continue following. We adopted our son Max from Ust in June, 2008, and our dossier for our second Kaz adoption is sitting at the Embassy.

    Wishing you the best, and fleece is ALWAYS a good thing! 🙂

    Karen.
    golfercincinnati @ yahoo . com

  6. Hi there,

    We'd love to continue following. We adopted our son Max from Ust in June, 2008, and our dossier for our second Kaz adoption is sitting at the Embassy.

    Wishing you the best, and fleece is ALWAYS a good thing! 🙂

    Karen.
    golfercincinnati @ yahoo . com

  10. I'd love to keep following along. We adopted twice from Almaty — once in 2004 and the second time in 2007. If you have any questions, please let me know.

    Best wishes for a speedy and bump-free adoption!
    Beth
    [email protected]

  11. I'd love to keep following along. We adopted twice from Almaty — once in 2004 and the second time in 2007. If you have any questions, please let me know.

    Best wishes for a speedy and bump-free adoption!
    Beth
    [email protected]

  12. I'd love to keep following along. We adopted twice from Almaty — once in 2004 and the second time in 2007. If you have any questions, please let me know.

    Best wishes for a speedy and bump-free adoption!
    Beth
    [email protected]

  19. Hi, I've been following along as you began this journey and I'd definitely like to see you become a family of five if you'd allow me the privilege. I adopted my son, Nicholas from Ust Kam in April 2006 at 9 mos (he turned 4 this summer) and my dossier for his sibling has just arrived in Kaz!

    Best wishes, Pam (and Nicholas)
    pgcalegge at aol dot com

  20. Hi, I've been following along as you began this journey and I'd definitely like to see you become a family of five if you'd allow me the privilege. I adopted my son, Nicholas from Ust Kam in April 2006 at 9 mos (he turned 4 this summer) and my dossier for his sibling has just arrived in Kaz!

    Best wishes, Pam (and Nicholas)
    pgcalegge at aol dot com

  21. Hi, I've been following along as you began this journey and I'd definitely like to see you become a family of five if you'd allow me the privilege. I adopted my son, Nicholas from Ust Kam in April 2006 at 9 mos (he turned 4 this summer) and my dossier for his sibling has just arrived in Kaz!

    Best wishes, Pam (and Nicholas)
    pgcalegge at aol dot com

  22. Stephanie, I would LOVE to continue following along on your journey. Even though we've never met (which I hope to change some day) I feel as if we have, and I'm SO excited that the time is almost here!!

    Rose
    [email protected]

  23. Stephanie, I would LOVE to continue following along on your journey. Even though we've never met (which I hope to change some day) I feel as if we have, and I'm SO excited that the time is almost here!!

    Rose
    [email protected]

  24. Stephanie, I would LOVE to continue following along on your journey. Even though we've never met (which I hope to change some day) I feel as if we have, and I'm SO excited that the time is almost here!!

    Rose
    [email protected]

  25. Hi guys,

    We would love to follow your journey. The little guy waiting for you, is so lucky to be joining such a wonderful family. We are so excited for all of you and looking forward to meeting the 5th.

    Jodie, Matt, Aidan and Megan

  26. Hi guys,

    We would love to follow your journey. The little guy waiting for you, is so lucky to be joining such a wonderful family. We are so excited for all of you and looking forward to meeting the 5th.

    Jodie, Matt, Aidan and Megan

  27. Hi guys,

    We would love to follow your journey. The little guy waiting for you, is so lucky to be joining such a wonderful family. We are so excited for all of you and looking forward to meeting the 5th.

    Jodie, Matt, Aidan and Megan

  33. definitely want to continue to follow along…. can't believe you are actually at this point! So exciting!!! still no word on when we will travel.

  34. definitely want to continue to follow along…. can't believe you are actually at this point! So exciting!!! still no word on when we will travel.

  35. definitely want to continue to follow along…. can't believe you are actually at this point! So exciting!!! still no word on when we will travel.

  36. I'd love to follow along Steph!

    Communicate when YOU feel comfortable. I think it's perfectly ok to hold off until it's a "done deal" if that's what you feel is best. Or to shout it from the rafters up front if you decide you'd prefer to do that. This whole journey through the past years have triggered thought processes for you that were intense and meaningful. Keep it up now that you're close to fruition! I know you won't regret putting a lot of thought into how you want to tell the world- be it loudly or discretely.

    As for me, I'm just so happy it's happening for you!! 🙂

    [email protected]

  37. I'd love to follow along Steph!

    Communicate when YOU feel comfortable. I think it's perfectly ok to hold off until it's a "done deal" if that's what you feel is best. Or to shout it from the rafters up front if you decide you'd prefer to do that. This whole journey through the past years have triggered thought processes for you that were intense and meaningful. Keep it up now that you're close to fruition! I know you won't regret putting a lot of thought into how you want to tell the world- be it loudly or discretely.

    As for me, I'm just so happy it's happening for you!! 🙂

    [email protected]

  38. I'd love to follow along Steph!

    Communicate when YOU feel comfortable. I think it's perfectly ok to hold off until it's a "done deal" if that's what you feel is best. Or to shout it from the rafters up front if you decide you'd prefer to do that. This whole journey through the past years have triggered thought processes for you that were intense and meaningful. Keep it up now that you're close to fruition! I know you won't regret putting a lot of thought into how you want to tell the world- be it loudly or discretely.

    As for me, I'm just so happy it's happening for you!! 🙂

    [email protected]

  39. You better add me to your list! Don't worry about too many books, the coordinator has books left over from other families so you can always borrow. There was only 1 English channel and it was the BBC and it was in a loop so we heard the same things over and over.

    Plan to layer and do some washing by hand. Don't forget to pack peanut butter, it was a life saver for us. I hope we can talk soon!

  40. You better add me to your list! Don't worry about too many books, the coordinator has books left over from other families so you can always borrow. There was only 1 English channel and it was the BBC and it was in a loop so we heard the same things over and over.

    Plan to layer and do some washing by hand. Don't forget to pack peanut butter, it was a life saver for us. I hope we can talk soon!

  41. You better add me to your list! Don't worry about too many books, the coordinator has books left over from other families so you can always borrow. There was only 1 English channel and it was the BBC and it was in a loop so we heard the same things over and over.

    Plan to layer and do some washing by hand. Don't forget to pack peanut butter, it was a life saver for us. I hope we can talk soon!

  42. Hi, I'd love to follow along on your journey to cheer for you! I'm in Astana now, and previously adopted my son from Petropavlovsk. Please let me know if I can be of help in any way. Packing lists, travel questions or other. All my best to you! Susan

    [email protected]

  43. Hi, I'd love to follow along on your journey to cheer for you! I'm in Astana now, and previously adopted my son from Petropavlovsk. Please let me know if I can be of help in any way. Packing lists, travel questions or other. All my best to you! Susan

    [email protected]

  44. Hi, I'd love to follow along on your journey to cheer for you! I'm in Astana now, and previously adopted my son from Petropavlovsk. Please let me know if I can be of help in any way. Packing lists, travel questions or other. All my best to you! Susan

    [email protected]

  45. I'd love to follow your journey. We just submitted our dossier in September, but adopted our first daughter from Almaty in 2004. I've enjoyed watching your fast timeline and would love to share my private blog with you so you can see another cutie from Almaty!
    -Mary
    [email protected]

    P.S. Pack layers, the baby house is kept very warm, you will be very hot while visiting the baby! (I was and I am a sweater loving girl)

  46. I'd love to follow your journey. We just submitted our dossier in September, but adopted our first daughter from Almaty in 2004. I've enjoyed watching your fast timeline and would love to share my private blog with you so you can see another cutie from Almaty!
    -Mary
    [email protected]

    P.S. Pack layers, the baby house is kept very warm, you will be very hot while visiting the baby! (I was and I am a sweater loving girl)

  47. In my opinion, you can never have enough fleece 🙂

    I'd love to continue to follow your journey. Our two beautiful children were adopted from Kostanai in 2005. Our dossier is currently at the MOE.

    Best wishes. You have so much to look forward to!

    Allison

    [email protected]

  48. In my opinion, you can never have enough fleece 🙂

    I'd love to continue to follow your journey. Our two beautiful children were adopted from Kostanai in 2005. Our dossier is currently at the MOE.

    Best wishes. You have so much to look forward to!

    Allison

    [email protected]

  49. In my opinion, you can never have enough fleece 🙂

    I'd love to continue to follow your journey. Our two beautiful children were adopted from Kostanai in 2005. Our dossier is currently at the MOE.

    Best wishes. You have so much to look forward to!

    Allison

    [email protected]

  53. Do I even have to ask 🙂 OF COURSE we want to follow. [email protected]

    I am so excited for you. It is hard to believe that after all of your thinking and researching and soul searching that you are here. At the final step to making your dream come true. I am so proud of you for persevering through everything to get to this point. And this is only the beginning.
    Can't wait for next month!
    And yes, retail therapy works wonders 🙂

  54. Do I even have to ask 🙂 OF COURSE we want to follow. [email protected]

    I am so excited for you. It is hard to believe that after all of your thinking and researching and soul searching that you are here. At the final step to making your dream come true. I am so proud of you for persevering through everything to get to this point. And this is only the beginning.
    Can't wait for next month!
    And yes, retail therapy works wonders 🙂

  55. Do I even have to ask 🙂 OF COURSE we want to follow. [email protected]

    I am so excited for you. It is hard to believe that after all of your thinking and researching and soul searching that you are here. At the final step to making your dream come true. I am so proud of you for persevering through everything to get to this point. And this is only the beginning.
    Can't wait for next month!
    And yes, retail therapy works wonders 🙂

  56. Hello,

    We adopted our son last year & would love to follow along on your journey. We were in Kostanai Feb-May 2008,so I can also attest to the fact that you can never have enough fleece over there! If you'd like to take a look at our blog, I'd be happy to send you an invite as well.

    Khadine
    [email protected]

  57. Hello,

    We adopted our son last year & would love to follow along on your journey. We were in Kostanai Feb-May 2008,so I can also attest to the fact that you can never have enough fleece over there! If you'd like to take a look at our blog, I'd be happy to send you an invite as well.

    Khadine
    [email protected]

  58. Hello,

    We adopted our son last year & would love to follow along on your journey. We were in Kostanai Feb-May 2008,so I can also attest to the fact that you can never have enough fleece over there! If you'd like to take a look at our blog, I'd be happy to send you an invite as well.

    Khadine
    [email protected]

  60. Yeah Steph and family!! We are SO excited to hear that you are headed soon to Almaty. You stated that you will leave mid-November, so it sounds as though you don't know a travel date yet. Almaty is not that far from Shymkent and we have been planning/hoping to do some weekend trips while in Shymkent since we will likely not have weekend visits with 'bobek'. So, if you would have us up for a visit, we would love to come see you while you are in Almaty. The other option is that we will, of course, finish out our time in Kaz in Almaty. Currently our agency is projecting that we will be in Almaty the week or so before Christmas. So, that might also be a time to connect, depending on your in country dates.

    At this point we are planning to stay in Shymkent the entire time (with Tougy) but we will ultimately have to wait to see how the timing for court etc. works out.

    Now, as far as your blog is concerned, we would love to follow along whether it is as a private or public blog. our email is [email protected] – so please include us in your invites. (Also, if you have a moment and want to chat, give us a call : )

    Hugs to all!!!!!!
    KJ, Steve, Tougy and 'bobek'

  61. Yeah Steph and family!! We are SO excited to hear that you are headed soon to Almaty. You stated that you will leave mid-November, so it sounds as though you don't know a travel date yet. Almaty is not that far from Shymkent and we have been planning/hoping to do some weekend trips while in Shymkent since we will likely not have weekend visits with 'bobek'. So, if you would have us up for a visit, we would love to come see you while you are in Almaty. The other option is that we will, of course, finish out our time in Kaz in Almaty. Currently our agency is projecting that we will be in Almaty the week or so before Christmas. So, that might also be a time to connect, depending on your in country dates.

    At this point we are planning to stay in Shymkent the entire time (with Tougy) but we will ultimately have to wait to see how the timing for court etc. works out.

    Now, as far as your blog is concerned, we would love to follow along whether it is as a private or public blog. our email is [email protected] – so please include us in your invites. (Also, if you have a moment and want to chat, give us a call : )

    Hugs to all!!!!!!
    KJ, Steve, Tougy and 'bobek'

  62. Yeah Steph and family!! We are SO excited to hear that you are headed soon to Almaty. You stated that you will leave mid-November, so it sounds as though you don't know a travel date yet. Almaty is not that far from Shymkent and we have been planning/hoping to do some weekend trips while in Shymkent since we will likely not have weekend visits with 'bobek'. So, if you would have us up for a visit, we would love to come see you while you are in Almaty. The other option is that we will, of course, finish out our time in Kaz in Almaty. Currently our agency is projecting that we will be in Almaty the week or so before Christmas. So, that might also be a time to connect, depending on your in country dates.

    At this point we are planning to stay in Shymkent the entire time (with Tougy) but we will ultimately have to wait to see how the timing for court etc. works out.

    Now, as far as your blog is concerned, we would love to follow along whether it is as a private or public blog. our email is [email protected] – so please include us in your invites. (Also, if you have a moment and want to chat, give us a call : )

    Hugs to all!!!!!!
    KJ, Steve, Tougy and 'bobek'

  63. Please include us too! We have already been in contact but here is my email again! 🙂 You told me to remind you! 🙂
    Karen
    hensleykhensley(at)aim(dot)com

  64. Please include us too! We have already been in contact but here is my email again! 🙂 You told me to remind you! 🙂
    Karen
    hensleykhensley(at)aim(dot)com

  65. Please add me too – I would like to follow along. Of the families I'm following, you're leading the pack!

  66. Please add me too – I would like to follow along. Of the families I'm following, you're leading the pack!

  67. Please add me too – I would like to follow along. Of the families I'm following, you're leading the pack!

  85. We would love to be a part of your journey. The little guy waiting for you is so lucky to become a member of your family. We cannot wait to meet the 5th.

    Jodie, Matt, Aidan and Megan

  86. We would love to be a part of your journey. The little guy waiting for you is so lucky to become a member of your family. We cannot wait to meet the 5th.

    Jodie, Matt, Aidan and Megan

  87. We would love to be a part of your journey. The little guy waiting for you is so lucky to become a member of your family. We cannot wait to meet the 5th.

    Jodie, Matt, Aidan and Megan

  88. Would love to follow your journey! We adopted our son from Pavlodar, Kazakhstan in 2006. We are thinking about adopting again, but are trying to come up with the money. Our blog that we kept while there is woodardadoption.blogspot.com.
    Wishing you the best!

  89. Would love to follow your journey! We adopted our son from Pavlodar, Kazakhstan in 2006. We are thinking about adopting again, but are trying to come up with the money. Our blog that we kept while there is woodardadoption.blogspot.com.
    Wishing you the best!

  90. I would like to follow along–I hope you remember me, we traded some comments way back at the very beginning of our journeys, back when I thought I knew something! I hope you'll include me.

    And remember, always make sure you are feeling your own self under all that fleece!

  91. I would like to follow along–I hope you remember me, we traded some comments way back at the very beginning of our journeys, back when I thought I knew something! I hope you'll include me.

    And remember, always make sure you are feeling your own self under all that fleece!

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