Conversations with Gary

As the reality sets in that in just a few months we will board a plane to meet the little boy I have been dreaming about, I have many emotions to manage. I feel happy and excited and that is my number one feeling. I feel nervous a bit too — how will I manage my time and family life. I envision doing a lot while having a baby strapped to me and I hope that works out. I do feel lucky to live in a very walkable neighborhood as I will do my best to not be in and out of the car but instead will walk where I can to pick the kids up from school, do errands here and there. There are a few Gymboree style classes in the neighborhood and I will get back into the swing for that too. When Eden was outgrowing those classes, I was actually sick of them and couldn’t wait to be done with “Mommy and Me” classes and what I deemed boring conversations of nap schedules, feeding preferences and stool consistencies. Now, I am ready again for them (the classes, not necessary the conversation!) in this next chapter of my life.

I know I will probably utilize my slow cooker and George Foreman grill more for easy dinners. I hope that my mom will be able to help with some school pick ups in the beginning as we’ll have to have some time to acclimate. I have wonderful teen babysitters nearby and next door — I know that they will prove to be necessary and a blessing too. I have friends in the neighborhood and a wonderful blog community that will help me manage the bumps. Gary’s family will welcome this baby into our family and will help us manage the beginning getting to know you stage in any way they can. Though Gary’s family knows about our adoption when we first began our paperwork 11 months ago, they do not yet know the details and how far along we have come. Gary always was adamant about wanting to tell them in person, and yet my kids don’t officially know, so we were always waiting for an opportunity when our kids weren’t around. I didn’t want to tell my kids and have them burst into Gary’s family’s house and shout the news in that manner. And at the same time, I didn’t want to tell his family when my kids are around because I want to tell them officially in a more special personal way that requires a bit of privacy. We never expected it would happen so fast, and now it’s truly time to let everyone know this very exciting news.

So I’ll be honest. Gary was a bit taken aback when I told him that our dossier has moved through the system so fast. Since I found out, I’m trying to have conversations with him but he’s not so good about communicating in general. I recently found a great, detailed, beautiful blog of a family called the Morningstars and I’ve been reading bits and pieces of their bonding and travel to Gary as a way to foster communication. They greeted their adoption with utter joy, their travel with laughter (finding funny KZ products such as a cleaning product like Comet called BARF and purchasing canned horsemeat to bring home for Christmas) to their beautiful descriptions of traveling with their two boys to meet their daughter and the beautiful way this post was described, with a simple Post title called “United”. Their commentary and joy has affected Gary in some way and I am very grateful. I feel a sense of relief in just talking about this change. It also enabled me to share with Gary some of my own recent blog posts. Gary doesn’t do the email thing so he’s rarely on the computer — but he seemed to enjoy or at least be further educated by some of my posts.

Gary is such an amazing father. He encouraged me to go to Italy with my mom and held down the fort with ease — making lunches for the kids each morning, packing their bags, taking them to and from camp, making dinners and bathing them each night. He was fantastic and I couldn’t be more proud and happy that he is the father of my children. In fact, in so many ways, he is far more on the ball than I am. In this way, my worries for how this will all play out is assuaged because I know that, despite me sometimes worrying if there will truly be room on his lap for this little boy, I know that he will be a wonderful father in good time.

The other day we were walking in the local nature preserve all four of us holding hands across the wide path and, just to bring it up, I said to everyone — If we had a brother, where would he fit here? and Emma, ever the big sister said, Mom, I will wear him in a pouch! He’ll be right here! (and she patted her chest.)

I am grateful for my friends today who I had lunch with who greeted my news of the upcoming travel with joy and excited questions. The support of loved ones is so very important to me!