Greetings on a Rainy Night

The rain is pelting down on my attic sky light. I like the sound. I’ve got a mess around me of organization. A dichtomy of thoughts. Perhaps I took out much more than could be put back in. I have photo boxes out with mounds of photos finally being sorted but still in disarray. I finally have clear carpet in my attic and in Emma’s room where, once, there were bins and piles of last season’s clothing. Tonight, I found a few more outfits worn by Emma and Eden as babies that made me quickly kiss them before I set them in the donation pile. I found a onesie with blue bears that I had once bought for Eden thinking it was so cozy looking and the blue would match her eyes. I remember ultimately not putting Eden in it because it felt too boyish. Perhaps it was a boy’s onesie. So, tonight, I set it aside for my little one to be. A hand me down of sorts, from his big sister. Or, perhaps meant for him all along.

Last week, we received a lovely gift from our agency (JHA) — an afghan purchased from Afghans for Orphans. I had just recently been thinking of the afghan my grandmother had made for my children long before I had even gotten married. She had arthritis and her fingers could still crochet and she wanted me to have it then for my future children. Emma and Eden were both wrapped in it when they were born. I sometimes think of how both my grandmothers would have loved to have played with my children. What would they think of the venture we have embarked on? They enter my mind so often — my world holds so many reminders of those I have held dear. The blanket I received reminded me of my Grandma Betty — her work, the colors, the attention to detail. It was a touching reminder of special people in our lives who sometimes mysteriously seem to appear again in unexpected ways.

Last week my second round of fingerprints were sent in and I’m crossing our fingers that these get approved. Everything else has been on hold for our dossier until our Homestudy finally gets completed and we have the I171. I have sort of taken on the mind set of “Release and Let Go!” about the anxiety that I had been feeling about timing. I know there are plans greater than I could make and therefore, I’m just waiting and going with the flow. Thankfully, holiday shopping has been keeping me quite busy and the days do seem to pass by in way that reminds me of calendar pages being torn off and blowing into the wind. As I go through the toy aisles during my shopping days, I think of things I’d like to one day buy for our little boy. When we meet him, what is that one toy that will come in to save the day and symbolize the joy that we can bring? What is the simple toy that will make him engage with us, make him smile? What can Emma and Eden offer him and feel like Big Sisters doing so? Such are my thoughts as I stroll through the aisles.

Happy Holiday Planning to all!
SK