Twilight Zone

I swear, I usually live in a world where the glass is always half full. I don’t believe in black clouds. I most often find the silver lining. But I am just downright mind boggled. And of course I do realize how blessed I am, and the Twilight Zone episode that I’m about to tell you about pales in comparison to so many disappointments of others. In fact, being that this blog will one day be a form of a baby journal, I’d rather focus on the good stuff that gets us moving forward. At the same time, I also realize that this blog is being read by some who are in the same part of the process as we are — and for the sake of sharing my journey, the accidental detours are important too. Again, hopefully smooth sailing going forward.

First of all, I do have to say that after great communication with my Home Study Agency the past couple of days, it was determined that an update email was sent to me 3 weeks ago on my old email account. Although I have used my new gmail account during our most recent email exchanges, my AOL account is obviously what is still in the files. The unfortunate part is that in the email from October 12 that I never actually saw, I was notified that my State Central Register Database document (Child Abuse clearance) was never received along with my application, payment and fingerprint cards. Yesterday, I was told that New York State had not gotten back to them about our clearance yet. Perhaps when I was told that, I was confused with someone else for that moment. It seems that ultimately my documents were completely MIA; they had never been received and therefore could never be sent anywhere in order to move us forward. I very clearly remember filling out this document. I recall letting Gary know where to sign at the bottom. I remember that all our addresses fit on one page without needing the second sheet. But … the crazy part is, though I keep copies of all of the documents I send out, I, too, did not have a copy of this anywhere either. Did I dream the filling out of the document? I can no longer be sure.

Now, since that takes 3 weeks to get approved, and I didn’t know that the email was sitting in an unread email box for those very 3 weeks, I feel like I wasted all that time too — in addition to my unaccepted and smudged fingerprint delay. I’ll resend this document out tomorrow, and it will take 3 weeks and hopefully coincide with what happens with my fingerprints. Still no word on whether or not my second set of prints have been approved. But, according to today’s conversation, it might be that no news is good news and it could just be passing through the process.

And I thought vomiting ten times a day tired me out?

According to Julie at JHA, and I’m gonna go with her on this one, it must mean that Baby Boy has just not been born yet.

I remain so grateful for my family as I do realize how much more difficult this wait for Baby Boy would be, and surely is for others, if I did not have his big sisters in the wings to keep me busy. I just hope he is healthy and safe, wherever and whenever he is. We’ll be there soon.

I think that it is appropriate now to recall the lyrics of Tracy Chapman’s The Promise.

Here is a link to YouTube. Please pause my Playlist at the bottom of this blog so that you can hear the YouTube song. The song is most likely about a romantic relationship, but I have seen the song listed as an adoption song too. And clearly the sentiments described are what I feel. Child of mine, I vow to come for you
if you wait for me and say you’ll hold a place for me in your heart.