September 11th — In Memory

I give honor to those who lost their lives on this day in our nation’s history 7 years ago. There is not a week that goes by, really, that I don’t think of what took place that day. Something always reminds me — something even as simple as me feeling the heat from my stove when I open the oven door. The Fall weather approaching, the sights and the smells. I know what I was wearing that day. I remember it all too well — being on the subway crossing the Manhattan Bridge, seeing flames licking out from the the Twin Towers’ gaping holes. I got out of the subway and tried to turn around to come home but the city’s subway system had already been shut down. Only 12 miles from home but I thought I’d never see it again. I had no cell phone and pay phones were not working. Some people lent me their cell phones to call Gary but no connection was made. It felt too real that perhaps I would never see Gary or my family again. I was alone just walking the streets, not knowing where to turn because the city was just shut down. I was there watching in disbelief when the South Tower fell, becoming a huge gray mushroom cloud caving in on itself, and then poof — nothing there at all. I was about 1 mile or less from Ground Zero, but the building was so high I saw it perfectly from where I stood on 5th Avenue, frozen in place. Self-consciousness played no part in all who cried real tears from fear and disbelief, including myself. A woman and I grabbed hands as the tower fell. She pulled my hand and said “follow me” and then “don’t look back, just keep looking forward.” I introduced myself 3 blocks later to my Guardian Angel, as I began to hobble in my too-tight sandals and feared I had no place to go and no ability to get there. Pat invited me to walk with her to her apartment in Queens. It took us 3.5 hours to walk through the city streets and then across the 59th Street bridge to get there. I waited on her couch for 5 hours until a cab was finally available to take me home. Today, Pat and I spoke on the phone as we do every Sept. 11th. And we made plans for her to come over next month. Certainly, there was devastation on that day 7 years ago, but it also birthed a very special friendship. Additionally, and so importantly, I got pregnant with Emma very shortly after 9/11 — I know that the tragedies of that day and our desire to build a family bumped up our efforts (so to speak!) to add goodness to this world. I am sure many other babies were born from this reason 9 months later.

I give honor today to all the heroes who lost their lives on this day. I can not imagine the horror they experienced and I hope they know their lives were not in vain.

Stephanie