The beginning of school is just one full day away. My schedule will go back to being one that is extremely hectic — what with different school schedules of the girls and various classes they take. I try to make my life a little more streamlined, and we often wean as we go and get ourselves (eventually) into a good groove where there is enough to occupy them, enough downtime, enough fun stuff, enough hanging out time and plenty of time for homework.
Why do I occupy my kids so much when I can? They like friends, they like to have fun. And yet it seems difficult in this day and age for us. In short, we are having a tough time with playdates. Long ago, when I was a kid, I got on my bike after my homework was done and my mom didn’t see me until she stuck her head out the front door and called me in for dinner. Nowadays, a playdate is scheduled, and frankly, last year, we had an interesting predicament for Emma where it seemed that all her friends were busy, or unable to visit, or would cancel, or if they did come over, it was not reciprocated. In fact, I don’t think Emma was invited once to a house of one of her classmates, despite us often making an overture. This is not everyone we know, of course, but I would say this was true of most people we tried to get in touch with from school. There are just so many days I can ask a mom if their child would like to play with Emma and have Emma be disappointed. She’s a good, sweet, fun kid. A little intense some days, but who isn’t? 😉 Her teacher said that she is extremely liked in school and has many friends. The truth is, I think people are so busy and overscheduled. Perhaps kids just play with neighbors on their block. And due to this, what do I feel I have to do in return? I feel the need to have some sort of planned after school activity for Emma so that she feels she has some place to go. She finishes her homework in twenty minutes. Then there are about 5 and 1/2 more hours until bed time. We no longer have kids right next door to us on the block. There are just so many cartoons or art projects she can do at home. Just so many times our game can be interrupted by Eden stepping on the board. Emma needs a friend from school to play with now and then. Eden does have a best friend who is one of my best friend’s daughters. Emma plays so sweetly with these 3 year olds, but I know she longs to have a friend over too during these times. Now there are a few people who did show interest last year (and admitted to having hectic schedules but showed desire to plan playdates) and some girls from outside her class whom we did see, and some really lovely mothers (that helps!) and I will try to pursue these friendships for Emma this year as well.
Despite going to a great camp, Emma had a tough summer too. She never told me until the last day of camp that a group of girls had been calling her “hairy” all summer. How dare they break down the self esteem of my Emma? She never told me why she chose to play lanyard with her counselor instead of swimming towards the end. But finally she did. My little 6 year old has to worry now about hairy legs? Whether it be a truth or not, why do girls have to be so cruel? I shared this information with Emma’s kindergarten teacher (we email back and forth) and she wrote such a lovely email to Emma about meeting new friends this year, about how vibrant, beautiful and kind she is, about what it means to be a true friend. How special to have a fan in your life like this from such a young age. How many of us have TRUE fans? How blessed we feel when we do have them. I try to teach Emma that she needs to be her own fan first and foremost. She has to be her own best friend first.
It’s funny how I began this entry never knowing I would write about this situation of friends and self-esteem and fans in your life. But it has made it more clear in my head that I’m going to help Emma pursue friendships and continue her with tennis and swimming that she seems to love and thrive on and from which she derives LOTS of self-esteem. And hopefully like minded friends will result from these activities.
It reminds me, as well, to surround myself with the true fans in my own life — and thankfully, in my life I have very special friends, and in this forum, I have found this as well.
Reminds me to make sure I also practice self-care this year too. I can not deplete myself with driving my kids to and fro without filling up my own needs first, so I will definitely be aware of this. When I feel satisfied and cared for, I am best able to give more fully.
So, I spoke to Carolyn tonight and she said she worries when I don’t write. So, here I purged for you! All is well in my world though. And on the adoption front, I have things in place with my accountant, I have my I600 about to be sent in (getting our birth certificates and marriage licence for that on Wednesday.) Lots to do but after reading my dossier kit for the umpteenth time, I see that it is all doable, and it is all within my reach.
I also wanted to say thank you especially to my mom who has heard me talk repeatedly about the same topics lately as this adventure of ours gets processed in my mind more and more every day. My mother is remarkable in so many ways, listening to me lately, just being one of them. If ever there was a person who was on my side unconditionally, this is her. Sure, we argue and disagree many times. But my mother trusts my judgement. She knows me, she knows what is in my heart. She gets me. How lucky I am. One topic of note being “To Take the Kids to Kaz … or not.” I see the merits in both. I see the EASE in leaving them home — allowing us the time we need to bond with our son without the distractions of tired children, of tantrums, or possible illness or boredom or homesickness. Allowing them to stay home and enjoy their summer or school time and friends. I also feel the panic when I think of being 9,000 miles away for 5 weeks and a 30 hour journey away. It is a literal panicked feeling that grips me like a bad dream. I see the joy in being able to bring them with an able caregiver who can handle them if any of the above arises and we are not there at that moment or simply need an extra pair of hands. I see the joy in having them go through this bonding journey too. Thankfully, I do have time to let this settle for a while. I would love to hear from anyone who DID in fact bring their other young children to travel and what that was like. Did anyone feel regret or joy either way?
I am thinking way too much. It’s late. I likely have PMS or some other wacky hormonal syndrome 😉 Perhaps I drank too much caffeinated diet dr. pepper today (my worst vice but not as bad as Carolyn’s love of Fanta.) Maybe I do just feel some safety to be myself within the confines of this blog. This is a good thing. Thank you.
All is moving along otherwise, and I feel very excited and fortunate to be in the place I am now. Very grateful for the family of 5 soon to be. Very grateful for all that is in my reach now. Continually thankful for amazing support in my life. For my TRUE FANS. For all I hold dear. For all that is yet to come.
Steph
Stephanie,
Your writing cracks me up…and I find myself understanding so much of what you wrote… ok… so my HEART broke into about the “hairy” commnet… in 2nd grade there were a group of girls who teased me NONSTOP about being hairy and also pegged me with that nickname… to this day I cringe when I think of another little girl suffering through that… I also told me mom and my teacher, but what could they do??? they told the girls to stop, etc… but, that only made it worse… “hairy told on us!” I will be praying for your precious baby… isn’t it SO tough parenting even little kids nowadays.. (:-)) My Bailey (my 7 year old) has the hardest time socially… she wants to fit in, but then struggles with those girls being mean to others…. torn between the good and the bad… it’s tough.. and I am often amazed at what I know she has to go through…
ok… on to the other question about taking the girls verses not taking the girls to Kazakhstan… for us it was not EVER a decision to make… we knew from the beginning that we would not be taking them with us… They are going to stay with my Mom (Nana) while we are gone… I CAN NOT imagine being away from them that long, but I know God has called us to this adoption, and he will not and has not forgotten that he also blessed us with 2 beautiful baby girls…. so I know we will all make it fine!! (by his grace!)
(I can not imagine how it’ll feel to walk away for that long.. makes me teary eyed thinking about it!) Honestly, for us we don’t have the money for them to go… and my mom couldn’t take off work to travel with us.. there is just noway it could happen unless God blesses us with an AMAZING amount of money to make it happen….
write back soon…
I’ll try to keep it shorter next time.. LOL
Have a great labor day!!
Stephanie,
Your writing cracks me up…and I find myself understanding so much of what you wrote… ok… so my HEART broke into about the “hairy” commnet… in 2nd grade there were a group of girls who teased me NONSTOP about being hairy and also pegged me with that nickname… to this day I cringe when I think of another little girl suffering through that… I also told me mom and my teacher, but what could they do??? they told the girls to stop, etc… but, that only made it worse… “hairy told on us!” I will be praying for your precious baby… isn’t it SO tough parenting even little kids nowadays.. (:-)) My Bailey (my 7 year old) has the hardest time socially… she wants to fit in, but then struggles with those girls being mean to others…. torn between the good and the bad… it’s tough.. and I am often amazed at what I know she has to go through…
ok… on to the other question about taking the girls verses not taking the girls to Kazakhstan… for us it was not EVER a decision to make… we knew from the beginning that we would not be taking them with us… They are going to stay with my Mom (Nana) while we are gone… I CAN NOT imagine being away from them that long, but I know God has called us to this adoption, and he will not and has not forgotten that he also blessed us with 2 beautiful baby girls…. so I know we will all make it fine!! (by his grace!)
(I can not imagine how it’ll feel to walk away for that long.. makes me teary eyed thinking about it!) Honestly, for us we don’t have the money for them to go… and my mom couldn’t take off work to travel with us.. there is just noway it could happen unless God blesses us with an AMAZING amount of money to make it happen….
write back soon…
I’ll try to keep it shorter next time.. LOL
Have a great labor day!!
dear Steph, welcome back. I was thinking of you, and so glad to see your pictures. You are a beautiful family and seem you have really been to a dream place for any family with children. I hope we will also have the chance to go there sometimes.
Next month, my schedule will not be that busy, so we should defintely have a play date.
Congratulations for your dossier also. Call me when you ahve a chance.
PS I love your writing. You are very talented….
dear Steph, welcome back. I was thinking of you, and so glad to see your pictures. You are a beautiful family and seem you have really been to a dream place for any family with children. I hope we will also have the chance to go there sometimes.
Next month, my schedule will not be that busy, so we should defintely have a play date.
Congratulations for your dossier also. Call me when you ahve a chance.
PS I love your writing. You are very talented….
dear Steph, welcome back. I was thinking of you, and so glad to see your pictures. You are a beautiful family and seem you have really been to a dream place for any family with children. I hope we will also have the chance to go there sometimes.
Next month, my schedule will not be that busy, so we should defintely have a play date.
Congratulations for your dossier also. Call me when you ahve a chance.
PS I love your writing. You are very talented….
Hi Stephanie,
First, I want you to know that my heart breaks for your daughter. My youngest adopted a year ago and now 22 months is followed by an endocrinologist due to her early hair growth. At the moment she is blond but how long will that last? I dread the day that we will go through what you and your daughter are going through!
I am a single mom and I traveled alone with my older daughter (4 1/2 at the time) to adopt her younger sister who was 9 months. I, like you, couldn’t imagine leaving her home for such a long period of time. I have a private yahoo group that chronicled the expereince. Contact me off list if you are interested in an invite. My older child has some major behavioral/emotional needs that made the time in Kaz trying at times. That said, if faced with making the decision again, I would still bring her. I think she needed to be a part of becoming a family of 3. She understood the process far better since she was a PART of it and not just hearing about it via email and calls. Feel free to email or call and talk about this difficult decision if you would like.
Shanna
single mom to 2 Kaz princesses
[email protected]
Hi Stephanie,
First, I want you to know that my heart breaks for your daughter. My youngest adopted a year ago and now 22 months is followed by an endocrinologist due to her early hair growth. At the moment she is blond but how long will that last? I dread the day that we will go through what you and your daughter are going through!
I am a single mom and I traveled alone with my older daughter (4 1/2 at the time) to adopt her younger sister who was 9 months. I, like you, couldn’t imagine leaving her home for such a long period of time. I have a private yahoo group that chronicled the expereince. Contact me off list if you are interested in an invite. My older child has some major behavioral/emotional needs that made the time in Kaz trying at times. That said, if faced with making the decision again, I would still bring her. I think she needed to be a part of becoming a family of 3. She understood the process far better since she was a PART of it and not just hearing about it via email and calls. Feel free to email or call and talk about this difficult decision if you would like.
Shanna
single mom to 2 Kaz princesses
[email protected]
Ugh, why are girls so mean? I never understood it, and I don’t think I ever will. I just can’t believe how young it starts now. I am so happy for Emma that she has such a wonderful mother teaching her about what it means to be your own biggest fan. A heartbreaking story, but an important lesson nonetheless.
I am going to send you a separate email with the contact information for a family who went to Kaz to bring home their youngest daughter. They brought their son and daughter (I think around 4 and 7) with them for the first 1/2 of the trip. Did I put you in contact with them a while back? I can’t remember.
I hope Emma and Eden had a WONDERFUL first day at school!
Ugh, why are girls so mean? I never understood it, and I don’t think I ever will. I just can’t believe how young it starts now. I am so happy for Emma that she has such a wonderful mother teaching her about what it means to be your own biggest fan. A heartbreaking story, but an important lesson nonetheless.
I am going to send you a separate email with the contact information for a family who went to Kaz to bring home their youngest daughter. They brought their son and daughter (I think around 4 and 7) with them for the first 1/2 of the trip. Did I put you in contact with them a while back? I can’t remember.
I hope Emma and Eden had a WONDERFUL first day at school!
Again another great blog!!I hope Emma had a great day at school.How do little girls get so mean? When do us moms get to stop worrying about this? As I was reading I was also thinking about our choice to take Grace to Kaz with us.She had such a great day with her friends as she started grade one.Just another choice us moms get to make and worry about.
Again another great blog!!I hope Emma had a great day at school.How do little girls get so mean? When do us moms get to stop worrying about this? As I was reading I was also thinking about our choice to take Grace to Kaz with us.She had such a great day with her friends as she started grade one.Just another choice us moms get to make and worry about.
Hi:
Just wanted to introduce myself (single mom to an almost 5 year old from Kaz, who has been home since 9 mos of age) and let you know that I appreciate your insights into mothering daughters. It can be so tough, and I feel like I’m just entering the big times, with the start of kindergarten this week. Oh my! Thanks for blogging with such kindness about your girls!
Quaintance