Our Gifts

Last night, I went to see Celine Dion perform live at Madison Square Garden. I was looking forward to seeing her — I do enjoy her music. In fact, her song Taking Chances is on this blog playlist and has remained an inspiration for me in our adoption journey. It wasn’t so much that I *saw* her, but rather experienced her. Now some people may think she can be corny and too theatrical — perhaps. She certainly does do very unique hand gestures and facial expressions when she sings that sometimes took me out of the mood and made me laugh out loud. But the voice, the power, the passion — remarkable! Otherwordly! When she hit those high notes, and you couldn’t believe that sound was coming from a human and not an angel, it was unreal. As I’m watching, I started to have these thoughts that made me a little sad, until I had to flip it around. Celine’s talent, combined with a passion in which it looks like she is having an out of body experience, is mind blowing. I was so envious to have such a talent and passion. What is my gift?

Do we all have to be great in something that thousands of people fill a stadium to see you? Certainly, there are leaders and followers, performers and spectators. It’s what makes the world go round. Only a small percentage of people have a talent the likes of Celine Dion or Andrea Bocelli or Mozart or Beethoven, or Ansel Adams or Meryl Streep. What am I good at? A talent, I know, is different than a skill. I happen to be an excellent typist and do enjoy doing it. But yet, certainly, I wouldn’t call it a talent or purpose.

I want to lay a wonderful path for my children and I also don’t want to lose myself in the process. This has been something I have been thinking about since Emma came into my life. I have noticed that some moms don’t think about this at all either. But maybe it is because, in this chapter of my life, I have had the privilege of not having to go back to working in Manhattan where I used to get home at 11pm some nights. The downside is that my husband is working 6 days a week, but we’ve made this work for us for now, knowing his work schedule is absolutely not forever.

I think I have done a fairly good job so far with filling my own cup outside of motherhood — with classes I have taken, some freelance work I have done, writing workshops, photography jobs, my American Sign Language workshops and volunteering, tennis, friendships. Motherhood is so important to me, and yet I am also someone who desires more too. Can we have it all? Perhaps not all at once, but certainly in different chapters of our lives. I know this is my chapter to be a mom to young children. What exciting opportunities are around my corner? What will I make of my life? Will my children be proud of and inspired by me?

A long time ago, adoption seemed like a “wildly improbable dream.” And I’m making it happen. There have been other dreams I accomplished in my life time too — work related, and not. I honestly no longer doubt there is more to come. I know I will continue to surprise myself. That is a guarantee.

I may not have a good singing voice, I can’t dance, I am a pretty good photographer still learning, a fairly good writer. But what ways will I leave my mark? How can I touch people the way I was touched last night? By sheer talent alone, no. But the talent combined with a PASSION, a purpose. I was inspired and beaten down all at the same time. The concert was provoking for me. How can I best live my life with purpose and passion? How can I instill this early on in my children — the ability to find their purpose and hold on tight.

I read somewhere that Deepak Chopra never told his kids to study in school, instead he simply told them to work very hard at finding their purpose. As a results, his kids wound up going to Ivy League schools anyway and did in fact discover their passions. Of course, their dad is a great role model and, in that household, finding your purpose was a natural. So much more than the search for a job, that I remember was tantamount after college. And disappointing and unfulfilling at the time. What was I meant to do even then? Did my life follow the path that it was meant to take or did I make my own mark?

Benjamin Disraeli says “Most people go to their grave with their music still inside them.” I don’t want to die with my music still inside me. How can I best live my life with purpose? What is my role here? What is my “music?” I hope I never stop searching, that is for sure. Do you know what your music is? Living a life with purpose and passion is probably one of the greatest gifts we can give our children. For them, and for myself, I search.

Just a little food for thought on this Wednesday evening 😉