Happy New Year!

Tonight starts the Jewish New Year and I feel excited for a new beginning. I had dinner with our friends (I prefer to call them our family) and felt so blessed and comforted to be in the presence of these people. More than riches, I feel that the luxurious parts of my life are in the people we surround ourselves with. We are surrounded by support, by loving people, true blue friends. And I think of all the ways in which our child will benefit from this upbringing — not just the beauty of living in America and all that that affords, but of growing up in a world where the lines between my friends and family are blurred. Where family seems to extend so far because of how we feel about each other. What greater gift can I give to our children than that?

I found these photos on Journey Home Adoption’s web site that fill me with a sadness. These children are without such families, such fans in their life, people who can lift them up wholeheartedly. No one to call Mommy. I feel like what we can do is not large enough, not great enough. I remind myself of the starfish story I recounted long ago about how what you do matters to “this one.” And that one will be our child.

I sent my final home study piece in today to our social worker. I don’t really have too many things left to do, but yet many pieces of the puzzle have put me in a waiting mode and a juggling act of taking steps so that all the dates on our paperwork match up. We’re farther along than I thought when I think about it. I’m hoping by Dec. 1st, our dossier will be complete and entire.

I forgive myself for having my head in the clouds today — for sending Emma to school without pajamas on a school wide Pajama Day (and for not hearing my phone ring when her teacher called to remind me at 10am and to suggest I bring the PJs) and for sending Eden to school wearing Orange even though it was Red day. Trust me, I felt like winning “worst mother of the year award” when Emma came out of school so forlornly and I noticed all her friends in soft colorful sleep attire. Oh My God!! Was I just punked? My daughter claims she was the ONLY one in school not in PJs. Can that be true? Does this seem like it should be on a sit-com? Such a silly topic but it meant Emma felt left out. She didn’t deserve that. Thankfully Eden is so young and didn’t realize, but her teachers were kind enough to stick a red feather in her ponytail. Surely there are more important concerns in our world right now, but I realized how on top of things I need to be, how much I have to focus on so that my kids can fully participate in their day with happiness and high self-esteem. What am I going to get this week? A HUGE CALENDAR FOR OUR KITCHEN WALL! Everything will be marked down. Super Mom will reign again!

Steph