I have been thinking for a few days now of the beautiful and moving post that Regina wrote that shared her thoughts on the imminency of being a mom and taking her son out of the Baby House for good. So poignantly written, she spoke of the paradox of her joy and the grief of his mothers before him. The woman who gave him life and who, 9 months later, brought him into the world, and the amazing women who cared for him for almost two years. Before Regina had written this, I had never really had a vision of what she describes as hearing about young women dropping off their child at the Baby House and collapsing in a heap of grief outside on a bench once they relinquished their baby. Now I can not get that vision out of my head.
She mentioned something that Gary once mentioned — If it is a matter of money for so many of these families, would not the money we are using to pay the legal fees necessary for adoption be better suited to provide funds for a family to remain with their child? But alas, it is not how it works. And when it comes down to it, a child remains in need of a loving family. The Karps will be one such family.
Adoption is a serious business. These children come with pasts, and hurts and loneliness and there are countless birth mothers out there that pray for the safety of the children they have left behind. No doubt we will live every day with a piece of our child’s birth mother within us as we watch our child grow and blossom.
This past weekend, while having a mini family vacation in Hawley, PA at a beautiful place called Woodloch Pines, I thought a lot about this child who will enter our lives. Rather, I allowed myself to think about it. As recently, I had just been pushing forth with a To Do list to get this process started. After so much thinking, it was easier to just “do.” I remember long ago, someone once told me that when you are on the plane going to get your child, you might have anxiety but your main thoughts are on doing everything in your power to bring that child home. That nothing will stop you. I am allowing myself to think these thoughts now. There is no face, no name to go with this child in my mind, but when I sat underneath the shade at the pool watching Gary swim with Emma and Eden, it was almost as if I felt the warm weight of this child on my lap. A hazy image of this round, bald headed baby. He was facing the water watching his sisters, I could not see his face. Cool and adorable in a simple white onesie, he was sitting on my lap and saving his space for next year (g-d willing.)
With that said, I am grateful for the feeling within me that is certain without one iota of a doubt that there is the proverbial red thread that is uniting our family with a little boy 9,000 miles away.
I am grateful for the life I have been given, for the life I have made.
I am grateful for my family of four and for all that is yet to be.
I am grateful for the blessing and opportunity to bring Baby Boy Karp home in 2009.
Steph
“An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break.”
Steph,
I am in tears again, how do you do it? What a gifted writer you are, just amazing. I too, use to think of what it would be like to carry a baby boy on my hip, while I went though my day to day life. What joy it would bring me, to finally be able to call this one mine own instead of, oh, no he is not “mine” I am just his nanny. Even though the love for these children I have cared for is so deep, they are not mine. I never had the title mommy. Now I do, and I still can not get over the unbelievable blessing G_D has given me to be Henry’s mommy. I never lose sight of his birthmother, after all if it wasn’t for her bravery in providing Henry his first home for 9 months. If only I could reach out to her just once and tell her, Henry is doing so well and that I love him with all my heart, it would give me such peace.
There is without a doubt a Karp baby boy waiting in the wings for his family to come take him home. The best is yet to come…
Much Love,
Carolyn
Steph,
I am in tears again, how do you do it? What a gifted writer you are, just amazing. I too, use to think of what it would be like to carry a baby boy on my hip, while I went though my day to day life. What joy it would bring me, to finally be able to call this one mine own instead of, oh, no he is not “mine” I am just his nanny. Even though the love for these children I have cared for is so deep, they are not mine. I never had the title mommy. Now I do, and I still can not get over the unbelievable blessing G_D has given me to be Henry’s mommy. I never lose sight of his birthmother, after all if it wasn’t for her bravery in providing Henry his first home for 9 months. If only I could reach out to her just once and tell her, Henry is doing so well and that I love him with all my heart, it would give me such peace.
There is without a doubt a Karp baby boy waiting in the wings for his family to come take him home. The best is yet to come…
Much Love,
Carolyn
Steph,
I am in tears again, how do you do it? What a gifted writer you are, just amazing. I too, use to think of what it would be like to carry a baby boy on my hip, while I went though my day to day life. What joy it would bring me, to finally be able to call this one mine own instead of, oh, no he is not “mine” I am just his nanny. Even though the love for these children I have cared for is so deep, they are not mine. I never had the title mommy. Now I do, and I still can not get over the unbelievable blessing G_D has given me to be Henry’s mommy. I never lose sight of his birthmother, after all if it wasn’t for her bravery in providing Henry his first home for 9 months. If only I could reach out to her just once and tell her, Henry is doing so well and that I love him with all my heart, it would give me such peace.
There is without a doubt a Karp baby boy waiting in the wings for his family to come take him home. The best is yet to come…
Much Love,
Carolyn
Beautifully said.
It seems difficult to imagine the adoption process before blogs – they have been so instrumental in our education, communication, and community building.
Regina is a shinning light, and your insight and raw emotional honesty is so genuine and tender.
We all go through so much turmoil and tribulation as we wend our distinct path – be they as child, birthparent, caregiver, adoptive families or the many others who participate in the periphery.
As is so often elemental within the human experience, community, in whatever form it is found and created, is so important. We are glad to be a part of the warp and weft of your experience and to have ourselves weaved you into ours. Take Care.
Steve
Beautifully said.
It seems difficult to imagine the adoption process before blogs – they have been so instrumental in our education, communication, and community building.
Regina is a shinning light, and your insight and raw emotional honesty is so genuine and tender.
We all go through so much turmoil and tribulation as we wend our distinct path – be they as child, birthparent, caregiver, adoptive families or the many others who participate in the periphery.
As is so often elemental within the human experience, community, in whatever form it is found and created, is so important. We are glad to be a part of the warp and weft of your experience and to have ourselves weaved you into ours. Take Care.
Steve
What moving words! I also have moments of imaging my son.I also imagine this woman who gave him life.How will this story play out? All these things to consider while we get ready for this amazing journey.Only God knows these answers. All the best and have a great weekend! Dot
What moving words! I also have moments of imaging my son.I also imagine this woman who gave him life.How will this story play out? All these things to consider while we get ready for this amazing journey.Only God knows these answers. All the best and have a great weekend! Dot