Just got back from a wonderful 4 night getaway with Gary to Austin, Texas. Our first big trip away in close to 7 years just the TWO OF US. It was really a wonderful and fun trip, I have always loved Austin but Gary has never been there — the trip reminded me how much we enjoy each other’s company when we can just be us, away from the role of active parent for just a few days while my generous parents cared for the kids and had a great time with them. It was nice to come and go as we pleased, which is not to say we did not miss our girls and talk about them and wonder if they’d like this or that or whatever we were doing. The best part of the trip for me was actually being in nature. I just loved taking walks by Town Lake, slipping into the hammock in the back of the Four Seasons hotel (not the hotel we stayed out but one who’s amenities we did enjoy a bit ;-), going river tubing down the Guadalupe River and enjoying that leisurely run. I loved lying on the hammock and watching how the trees connected and made a canopy over my head, watching the clouds dance between the leaves. Gary and I really relaxed on this trip. I must remember that this city girl needs to make nature much more part of my days.
So a couple of things happened while I was away. On the plane out to Austin, as we are lifting up into the air, tears just kept filling my eyes and rolling down my cheeks. For some reason, perhaps I was thinking of a future plane ride to Kaz and what that might feel like to be waiting with anticipation. I snapped photo then.
Perhaps these thoughts were furthered by the fact that a few days leading up to the trip and then during it, I was enthralled with reading an adoption memoir called Forever Lily by Beth Nonte Russell which was just remarkable and lovely. I am now reading another memoir called China Ghosts: My Daughter’s Journey to America, My Passage to Fatherhood by Jeff Gamage.
Then I had an interesting dream and I wish I remembered it fully but in it, we were visiting Sara’s family in Phoenix (yes, you!) and it was very real and quite nice. I think we even went to Temple together 😉
Our first night on the trip, our friend Norm calls Gary on his cell and must have asked if we are proceeding and my dear Gary replied “yes, we even began our home study. Looks like, believe it or not, we’ll be going to Kazakhstan. Yes, it’s a long trip, possibly two trips … we’re looking for a boy.” Was this my Gary speaking as if it’s YES going to happen?
Someone wrote me an email, I can not remember now but I know I saved it. Was it Monica? It was about not making a decision, but a “knowing.” I feel that this week, without having day to day stress and just the pleasure of free flowing thoughts, I did feel this “knowing.” It no longer felt like a decision, but an absolute. It was in my bones.
We went to this amazing market (Central Market) in Austin and they had the cutest table placemats. I bought four of them, one for each of us, even though they are kid oriented, they were so cute. Once on line to pay however, I said to Gary, I have to go back and get one for Baby, and I went back to get one that called to me and had some blue in it. I actually called him by a name. Now I am not sure that this will be his name. It’s a name that I never especially liked with our last name, but one that Gary has always liked. Those who know me a long time, might know this name. Could this just be a nickname we are calling him now, as he is just a vision in my mind, possibly. I do not plan on thinking of his new American name in reality until I hear his own beautiful name that he was given.
So much more to accomplish now that I’m home. One bite at a time.
I’m so happy for you! Happy that you got to get away to relax and happy that you really are on the path to your son even if you haven’t signed a contract yet. I don’t know if I wrote that email to you. I might have. You and I were going thru that hoping/maybe/please/scary/okayletsdoit phase together back in the winter and so I feel such a real connection to your journey too! I can say that I feel it IS going to happen for you and you’re so smart to get the homestudy going now. I do wonder if you might still be considering Kyrgyz tho? Is that why you haven’t signed on with an agency yet? We are SO close to being ready to submit our dossier and it is SO exciting!!!
Best wishes to you.
🙂
Monica
I’m so happy for you! Happy that you got to get away to relax and happy that you really are on the path to your son even if you haven’t signed a contract yet. I don’t know if I wrote that email to you. I might have. You and I were going thru that hoping/maybe/please/scary/okayletsdoit phase together back in the winter and so I feel such a real connection to your journey too! I can say that I feel it IS going to happen for you and you’re so smart to get the homestudy going now. I do wonder if you might still be considering Kyrgyz tho? Is that why you haven’t signed on with an agency yet? We are SO close to being ready to submit our dossier and it is SO exciting!!!
Best wishes to you.
🙂
Monica
I’m so happy for you! Happy that you got to get away to relax and happy that you really are on the path to your son even if you haven’t signed a contract yet. I don’t know if I wrote that email to you. I might have. You and I were going thru that hoping/maybe/please/scary/okayletsdoit phase together back in the winter and so I feel such a real connection to your journey too! I can say that I feel it IS going to happen for you and you’re so smart to get the homestudy going now. I do wonder if you might still be considering Kyrgyz tho? Is that why you haven’t signed on with an agency yet? We are SO close to being ready to submit our dossier and it is SO exciting!!!
Best wishes to you.
🙂
Monica
I just wanted to say congrats on making the decision and taking the first steps. I haven’t been blogging but we are moving along, finished the home study visits and compiling papers.
When we went to our adoption education, there was couple there who had adopted a toddler from China, as we hope to do. She once said to them, “What took you so long to come and get me?”
I just keep thinking about that! Makes me get those papers shuffled faster, even while still plugging along at all the other stuff.
Our kids met the social worker at the last visit but still don’t know anything’s really decided. I want to tell the, and everyone, when we have a file!
I just wanted to say congrats on making the decision and taking the first steps. I haven’t been blogging but we are moving along, finished the home study visits and compiling papers.
When we went to our adoption education, there was couple there who had adopted a toddler from China, as we hope to do. She once said to them, “What took you so long to come and get me?”
I just keep thinking about that! Makes me get those papers shuffled faster, even while still plugging along at all the other stuff.
Our kids met the social worker at the last visit but still don’t know anything’s really decided. I want to tell the, and everyone, when we have a file!
I just wanted to say congrats on making the decision and taking the first steps. I haven’t been blogging but we are moving along, finished the home study visits and compiling papers.
When we went to our adoption education, there was couple there who had adopted a toddler from China, as we hope to do. She once said to them, “What took you so long to come and get me?”
I just keep thinking about that! Makes me get those papers shuffled faster, even while still plugging along at all the other stuff.
Our kids met the social worker at the last visit but still don’t know anything’s really decided. I want to tell the, and everyone, when we have a file!
Sounds like you had a great little getaway. I’ve heard that Austin is a pretty neat place and always wanted to go there.
So, please- come to Phoenix!!! That would be so much fun! No guarantees we’ll go to a temple, but we could do Shabbat dinner 🙂
I just read Forever Lily and was completely enthralled by it. Such a wonderful story.
And one last thing- I’m so glad that you know! 🙂
Sounds like you had a great little getaway. I’ve heard that Austin is a pretty neat place and always wanted to go there.
So, please- come to Phoenix!!! That would be so much fun! No guarantees we’ll go to a temple, but we could do Shabbat dinner 🙂
I just read Forever Lily and was completely enthralled by it. Such a wonderful story.
And one last thing- I’m so glad that you know! 🙂