I wrote this on the evening of December 31, 2007. Some of this is a repeat from another entry on this blog, but I will include it as I wrote it that night.
I am sitting here on New Years Eve 2007 in Georgia. Yesterday I had an experience that felt like a dream. Or rather, it was a day in which I had the opportunity to “step into my dream.”
Ten months ago I began a course in which we designed a page called IF I CAN SEE IT I CAN BELIEVE IT. I included pictures of all that I wanted to accomplish in my lifetime — in regards to my home, my health and my future — and it was not without embarrassment or some thought of “yeah, right, this is for someone else’s life, not mine” that I pasted down a photo of Angelina Jolie and her son Pax.
Just days after that I began to make certain realities of those pages — I ordered decorative vases that I wanted, began to eat healthier breakfasts, began to research other options from those pages of dreams, and yet I still sort of glossed over the Angelina photo and all that it encompassed. What was the point of pasting it down then? Well, it was time to at least explore it further.
Nine months ago, in a sort of secretive and quiet endeavor between me and my computer, I began adoption research — agencies, countries, laws, paperwork, dossiers and blogs! Research begat research, it was hard to stop the snowball effect of all the information I was gathering.
It was there that I found the Poston family, mainly because I was attracted to a photo I saw in which their daughter reminded me so much of Emma. This family adopted three children from Kazakhstan in Central Asia, nestled between China and Russia, a country that was becoming very attractive to us in terms of how they care for their children and manage the adoption process.
When late nights of blog reading became too overwhelming and time consuming, I took a slight research break. Then three months ago I picked up where I left off and found their site again. Furthermore, I found the courage to write to them and inquire about their experiences. Over three months I found a family who became my friends.While planning our trip to Tampa and then to Atlanta to visit Gary’s family this week, it became a possibility to spend some time with the Poston family who live near Chattanooga, TN.
And so the day arrived just yesterday. I had a nervous stomach the whole morning, why? I couldn’t get my hair or make up right. What to wear! I plucked too many eyebrow hairs! But alas, we were off.
As we pulled up their long driveway yesterday morning at 11am in rural Ringgold, Georgia, it was surreal to see two large flags on posts flanking their doorsteps, one the American flag and one the blue and yellow Kazakhstan flag. I knew this was the house!
How strange to pull up into the yard and have the dad come out and greet us — a man who has offered me so much insight and support through email for the past three months. How odd to see their three adorable children waving to us from behind the glass door when I have only ever seen their faces on YouTube and their blog. How great to meet the mom who offered me so much information during our own phone conversation a few months back. Yet here they all were in the flesh, moving, living people. It was surreal to realize that thanks to some of the lessons I had learned in my class about making realities of your dreams, I stepped into my dream to see how it felt as I held their adorable Kazak toddler on my lap next to Eden and got the sense of what it would feel like if a boy just like him was my own. I took photos of Emma and Alina, who I swear when you see them, you will see a remarkable resemblance.
We were treated to six hours of Southern hospitality — to my delicious iced tea that was constantly replenished, to a homemade hot meal of lasagna and salad, to desserts that were plentiful. We were treated to the event of seeing the kids get to feed their five goats on their 17 acres of property. They even had another lovely family come visit as well who had adopted two beautiful daughters from Kazakhstan.
My friend Kim said something to me the other day that I didn’t understand at first and didn’t accept. She told me she was so proud of me for doing this. I said what is the big deal, I’m just visiting this family, I have no idea if we really will adopt at all, maybe we’re just visiting people that will simply be friends, who knows. I could just be using this elaborate excuse as a way to make friends. I have always made friends in unusual ways. I played it down because I didn’t think it meant anything as we really are so unsure of all this. I really was just amazed at what technology can do — how it can bridge families from miles away based on a common interest and happy that I am the type of person that would pursue such a connection. But it is with Kim in mind that I write this entry because I am proud of myself for taking such steps to connect with people in such a way. I am proud of myself for being someone who would consider adoption because of all the love I have for my children and for all the sorrow I feel for children who don’t know the love we have. I am proud of my husband, who, although still on the fence, remains so interested and actually enjoyed his time at the Postons and even invited them to have a BBQ with us and even stay in our home if they need to when they visit NYC this summer. I am proud of the people we are who take action and who feel compelled to do so.
I don’t know what the future holds in 2008 and beyond but I do hope that it will be filled with unchartered paths and leaps of faith. And until we know what is truly our path we remain open to explore all our possibilities.
I always do a little writing and self reflection as the ball is close to dropping and these are my thoughts now, in the final hours of 2007. I am so very grateful for all I have and grateful for all the experiences yet to come.
Stephanie
