My resolve is strengthening. The more I know I feel the more I can never turn back. I know too much. If I changed my mind now it would almost be as if I left my child there.
The more people share with me, the more I feel connected to these parents and the more I seem to share. I feel it is a very close knit community of adoptive parents. I am not in this community yet but I have been so welcomed. Last night, one mom who I spoke to on the phone for 103 minutes (couldn’t believe it when I hung up that the phone showed that much time had passed) told me that no matter what happens in my decisions, she would love to know the outcome of the path we choose. And I absolutely will share this with all those who have paved the way for me — again, regardless of what happens.
The mom last night also had a biological daughter and told me that she wondered if perhaps God meant for them to only have one child and if adoption was the right decision for her. The way she would know is that she would continue doing the research and keep moving forward and if there were no road blocks and the next step lead to the next step, then it was meant to be.
Well, my resolve has been tested a few times. I don’t have so much support in my life in regards to this, but maybe it’s because I haven’t opened up my heart enough yet to express my true desires and no one really believes me. But yet my husband is now very interested in sponsoring the education of an older child (a huge step!!) and he continues to listen to all my reports from research and conversations with others. And yet, despite a little break for me (I got burnt out a bit on all my late night searches and contacts) I continue to move forward, I continue to feel that adoption is one of the greatest things for the world, continue to feel that a child would be lucky to have us and we to have him/her and I continue to feel that this is the way we are going to build our family.
I am very excited to be able to visit with our friends in Georgia as part of our vacation this December. This just worked our perfectly as we’ll be seeing relatives in Georgia too. No road blocks here either. The plans just seemed to happen very naturally. I would love to meet face to face these people who have been so instrumental as we began the decision making process. To meet in person the daughter whose photo first caught my eye in April 2007 because she reminded me of my own daughter. To see our two daughters play together.
How unbelievable is modern technology that it bridges families and forms friendships in such a unique way. It is really remarkable that a simple email to a stranger two months ago will result in us getting to spend some time together as families. I feel very grateful!
