In the past many months, we have brought up periodically to friends and family that we are going to consider adoption. But it’s not a topic that gets brought up a lot. Perhaps because I want to keep it private where it remains a very positive thing for me. When it is brought up, I sometimes have to brace myself for opinions that are counter to mine. I used to think that if no one asked me questions about my thoughts about adoption they just weren’t interested fully in what I had to say. Perhaps I wasn’t even sure how to express what I felt and people sensed that. So it’s been weeks and months since I have mentioned it, except to some people here and there, and definitely more recently. Some people, I have discovered, just wait for you to open up to them when they feel you are ready. And so it was today when I decided to bring up the topic to my parents.
For over an hour, I shared my thoughts, spoke about my experiences researching, showed my notes and spoke about concerns, shared some of my favorite blogs and YouTube videos, spoke about the good and the unknowns, and spoke about my beliefs on the topic.
I had been holding off telling my dad about my adoption thoughts until I was more sure. I was fairly certain he would be great about it but wanted to be more sure, nonetheless. But I found out today that my mom had already discussed it with him. That was huge because it meant it was something serious that warranted discussion. My dad, bless his heart, said he fully supports me. He seemed to think it was wonderful (especially when I told him that it was his own Romanian parents who had been my impetus), and the idea of adoption seemed to be something he seemd proud of. He said that come what may (in regards to the health of the child) there would be no questions, “you just love that child as you have you daughters.” My mother later on, after asking questions and becoming more educated, said “I support you 100%!!!!” whatever I choose to do.
Either my parents are and have been more progressive than I gave them credit for or they are following the lead of their more unconventional daughter. Either way, I can’t express how much of a weight is lifted off my shoulders that I decided to open up to them in greater detail about the research and thought I have been actively putting into this decision the past two months. Being that I began thinking about it and doing light research back in April, it really has been a long 8 month process. No one would ever be able to say that I went into this hastily.
My contacts at Journey Home, an agency we are strongly considering, have been a great source of support in this very early stage of my decisions. One wrote me an email yesterday that told me how remarkable my diligence and research has been throughout this whole process, and how I am asking all the right questions and am really at a place where I know the wonderful, but also the possibly unforeseen outcomes now, as opposed to later, and that I would actually be a great resource to others. Nothing will come as a surprise to me (well hopefully not.) I have been taking my research so seriously.
It seems my parents are concerned if 3 kids in general is biting off more than I can chew, not that adoption is the issue here. I laughed and agreed! That’s one reason why I’m not rushing now. It would be helpful if my youngest daughter was closer to 4 by the time she became a big sister. But we’ll see what happens as we progress. I am also hoping that my husband will segue out of working 6 days a week sooner rather than later. The perils of owning his own business, but it’s somthing, that thanks to a better routine this year, has gotten easier to manage for me.
So although Gary is softening to the situation in a way I never expected (wanted to sponsor an older child’s education for now being one huge step), he is not at a place yet to decide if this is totally for us. But yet everything he says and does (the fact that he is so willing to pick up and add a visit to our Georgia friends into our vacation) is showing me that he is seriously considering this in his own way too. It’s probably the travel and being away from work that concerns him, but when I say to him “Picture having this child and telling him or her that we almost didn’t come to get you because you didn’t want to be away from photographing the Goldmans and Shwartzes Bar Mitzvahs” he totally gets it.
Regardless of what ultimately transpires, I feel very content to have opened up to my parents and very blessed to have their continued and loving support. Thank you!!!
Also, I was giving this blog thing some thought. So far I have mentioned this blog to 2 or 3 people perhaps. I don’t even know if they have checked it past that one time I had mentioned it. I have no idea if anyone out in blog world has even read this blog. I originally began a blog hoping for divine intervention, hoping that I’d write this blog and get support from others and it would be okay for me to move forward. But tonight especially I realized I got support from the people (outside of my family unit) who mean the most to me, my parents. I don’t need support from blog viewers, although that would be amazing because I do feel the support from the adoptive parents I have met. I write for myself, I guess. Something I have always done in my own personal journals anyway. I write to record a moment in time, to record transformations that take place both externally and within me, and to chart the very beginning stages of what I hope will be an amazing journey.
I hope that if there is anyone in my situation reading this now or ever, that perhaps I can offer some guidance as well. But until then I think it’s only been myself who checks my profiles, so it’s still like I’m just writing to myself. And that is fine by me.
S
